Posted by: Unhappy | 2005/11/28

Need some positive advise

Hi there CyberShrink and any other

Hope you would take time and reply to my post

Where can I start... Last year around Nov/Dec.. I met a guy at my work. We had a short fling if you may call it.. We kissed once or twice.. This guy was not even the type of guy I would want to have a relationship with.. at that moment I just felt his compliments and all flaffing over me making me feeling like a goddess.. well that was something I needed, and unfortunately I must state that at the time I was engaged to another man.. anywayz.. my fiancee has the type of work that he s always away on business trips, or at that time he was away most of the time, and sometimes ended up drinking with business partners and not calling me back at night.. and I would only hear from him in the morning.. Even though I trust him, and know he would never hurt me, I love him with all my heart and don t know why I did what I did, I just thank God I never slept with this man (from my work) .. a short while after this fling, I told the guy to stop sending me messages (cos he left our company the same month).. I told him to break contact with me becoz of the fact that I love my fiancee and didnt actually feel anything for this man and wanted my relationship to work... Well now, it a year later and Im married to my fiancee and expecting our first baby... Things have changed a lot .. Our relationship is better then what it was last year, no fight or arguments.
I would not want to tell my husband what happened, for I love him, and don t want to hurt him... I want to focus on our marriage and make it as perfect as can be and be all that he wants me to be... But how do I do this? Right now I feel very depressed... And hate myself so much, for what I ve done, I wish I could turn back time, although I try not to feel this way... for Im carrying our little baby.. I even went to see our priest at church, which helped a lot ... I still can t forgive myself... Its one mistake I made, that I ve learned big deal of.. for I m feeling regret everyday, and can t find any good in myself, I judge myself for everything.. I know I will NEVER in my life make such a mistake again.. NEVER.. I know some people would probably have no pitty for me, I m just asking if anyone can help me feel better - to move on with my life and forget about the past.. And make my marriage work, and have a healthy baby..

Thank you

Take care xxx

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You do sound as though you're making mountains out of molehills. What you did, acording to your description, wasn't admirable, but it wasn't terrible either, and is something you really should be able to move on from, and forget, and get on with developing you marriage and motherhood. If this is indeed the only mistake you have made, you're doing better than most. Now get over it

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/11/28

Dear Unhappy

I know what it feels like to be riddled with guilt especially when it comes to something that involves your relationship.

You have 2 choices here.
1. You tell your husband the truth, facing the consequences and clearing your conscience at the same time. Bearing in mind his trust in your will be in jeopardy, but if your marriage is strong enough, you will be the better for it.

2. You can chose not to tell him and enjoy the state your relationship is in now. You can maybe write him a letter which you don't actually give him, confessing everything and justifying the fact that you kissed someone else.
In the end, God knows your heart, and knows where you were at that time of your life.

Best wishes to you.
May you find the strength to deal with this, in a way that is beneficial to all!


Reply to ~Wings~
Posted by: Trouble | 2005/11/28

You are hormonal it'll pass.

Reply to Trouble
Posted by: SR | 2005/11/28

Unhappy = You must get over yourself. Everything is set out the way you want it to be and that incident is past you now. You have a husband and a kid that needs your attention, put the past behind you and concentrate on that which brings you benifits. Thinking about the past and your guilt has no benefit but to throw you into the doldrums

Reply to SR

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