Posted by: Healing | 2008/10/20

Need some advice


Long story short, my Mom' s a schitsophrenic &  in my very early twenties, she stopped taking her meds, had a meltdown &  decided to go &  live on the streets.

Longer story short, I was pretty much abandoned by family &  friends &  had to deal with it all by my lonesome. This lasted for almost 5 years until she was finally committed in JHB.
So I' ve spent the last few years trying to deal with everything. I was severly traumatised (I think I' d managed to avoid about 3 breakdowns in those 5 years) etc etc woa to me. Couldn' t afford ant professional therapy &  have just done the best I can.

So here I am, finally starting to get my life together. I' m down to hardly anymore nightmares anymore. I' m finally getting there/starting a life. (Sort of. Have no social life and pretty much just go to work &  come home, but have made small changes in career &  mental state (positive thinking) and avoiding victim status)

I' ve had no contact with my Mom. I love her dearly &  don' t blame her (not her fault she' s sick). Making contact is going to set me back big time &  I' m not ready (emotionally) to deal with this yet. (Ok deep down inside I' m just a big old mess, I know this but can' t really do anything about it right now).

So now the facility she' s in have started phoning me because they feel she needs a visit (which i can' t afford anyway) or the guy want' s me to phone her.

I know they' re looking out for her best interests &  they probably deal with a lot of family who don' t want to/care etc etc. I do want to eventaully, but can' t do this yet.

Everytime they' ve called I get anxiety attacks &  my nightmares return.

Does this make me a bad person? It' s not that I' m never going to see her, but I' m pretty much hanging on by a thread myself, and I' m just not ready yet. I' m only starting to feel slightly normal again, and I don' t want to be bullied into doing something that I' m not ready to do, or even worse, that might set me back.

Ok enough blah blah,

You turn :-)


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Our expert says:
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Tell the facility that you hold no grudge against your mom, but can't afford to visit her, either emotionally nor financially, and are in urgent need of therapy for yourself, which you can't afford. Maybe an arrangement can be made for you to get the therapy you need through a state / provincial facility. Of course you're not a bad person, and damaging yourself won't help your mother either. Continue with your ownn good work towards healing yourself, and maybe work harder towards finding a source for some form of affordable therapy for you. Once you're stronger and better, you can then be available to make some mild contact with your mother if you wish to do so

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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