Posted by: katherine | 2007/08/17

need honesty

i'm involved with a guy with baggage - child and ex he wants to move up so he can be with his daughter
now he admits he has more feelings for me than just friendship and that we need to talk about it and that he needs to know how i feel about him moving his family up here, this happened on saturday, we've been "shag" buddies since december on and off
the chat never happened and all i said is that i cannot stand in the way of him bringing his daughter as she is the centre of his life and if this is the only way he knows how to do it i have to respect that but he must also find happiness along the way
i do love this man very dearly and lately we have been fighting, he always says if honesty was an issue i would have a ring on my finger and i must wake up and realise why we fight
now suddenly since monday he needs time alone and has shut me out totally and all he says he needs to work things out alone, so now i'm left out in the cold and it hurts so we ended up fighting, now i have no idea what's real and not
please can someone give advice, i don't want to loose him but want commitment (first time ever) but i cannot stand in the way of a father being with his 5yr old can i?

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Our expert says:
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How about some sessions of relationship counselling, to explore these issues further and see what alternatives you both have ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: katherine | 2007/08/20

thanks for all advice
if it comes to him and i making it work his daughter comes too, i absolutely love children and have no issue with her being in the equation, she always has been
i need to decide what i want i suppose and talk to him

Reply to katherine
Posted by: Crimsonkc | 2007/08/17

I am a divorced male with an 11 year old son ... it is simple. Any female that cannot accept my son does not deserve to be with me. It is as simple as that. I am a package deal and I will dump any female (no matter what my feelings for her) for my son.

Now look at your situation from this point of view and I am sure you will do the right thing... (accept him as a package deal and be prepared to accept two people), or (the package deal is not what you want, so let him go).

Sorry to be so blunt but there is no grey in this situation. It is either black or white.

Reply to Crimsonkc
Posted by: GGL | 2007/08/17

you need to speak with this guy honestly your feelings and his and also discuss why he is shutting you out - maybe he needs you but hesitates because he is not sure of your reaction as far as bringing his daughter into the equation is concerned - but before that you need to ask yourself and be sure that you want to be actively involved in bringing up his daughter because being with him would include being with and being support and a friend and maybe someday a mother figure to his daughter. can you do this - be sure before you speak with him and convey to him your feelings.


Reply to GGL

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