Posted by: Broke | 2007/12/12

Need help


I need advice on the following: My BF lives with me , for just over 2 years now. We are planning on getting married in the new year. My problem is…In the past year my bond repayments have escalated so much. besides all other expenses like my car, insurance policies, rates, lights,groceries etc..He gives me R2 000 every month towards living expenses, but I can’t seem to manage with this…I only nett R11 000 a month and my bond alone is now R7000..I wonder if this is going to be the case when we married as well?? Could I ask him to contribute more now?..or when we are married? Or is this wrong? I have sleepless nights thinking how I’m gonna cope, and feel that because this is my house I just need to cope …Im used to being independent and find it difficult to ask for assistance. But I need help!! Thanks

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Our expert says:
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Surely you need to discuss all of this with him, and see how he reacts. How he does, will give you a good indication of how he would bem likely to handle things when you marry, and might encourage you to re-evaluate that decision. As John says, he should be sharing costs with you at around 50 %, and not expecting to get subsidized.

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Our users say:
Posted by: John | 2007/12/12

It seems to me that he should be paying HALF of ALL expenses: bond, rates, lights and water, food etc.

He has got it good: he lives way above his contribution and you are subsidising it.

If you are thinking of marriage then learn to accept that you will need to lean on him in the future. Independance is great, as Ian Smith could have told you, but splendid isolation is overdoing it, as Robert Mugabe so perfectly illustrates.

Make a list of all the expenses you jointly have (as above) and make him pay half. Bad news is that the prime lending rate is going to go up before it comes down so life, in the short term, is going to get harder.

If he refuses then you may have to consider selling and buying a cheaper place. You'll need another boyfriend even though this one is cheap seems to be enough....

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