Posted by: BEL | 2005/07/21


Hi I need advise...Been with my b/f younger than me for nearly two years now. Broke up for 3 months he moved away, back now for 4 months, he says he is madly in love with me, he just lost his job, (I have been supporting him for these 4months, he does not earn enough to contribute...)things are going BAD now, I'm not sure about my feelings, we fight all the time, he verbally abuses me..calls me all names (even the sea water cannot clean me) BUT after this he wants ME to forget about everything he has said, cause HE says hurt him and wants to hurt me..I cannot forget (is there something wrong with me?) I said we shoud end this relationship...he says he wont leave. I know I have hurt him but what should I do? This is also affecting my 9 year old... HELP

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe he's being abusive in part because he feel embarrassed at not finding work and not being able to pay his share of your expenses, but it's not a good sign. Sounds like you have urt each other, but there may be no great use in staying together if its so hurtful for both of you. If it's your place you live in, he HAS to leave if you ask him to, and the police may be prepared to escort him out if he refuses. But can't you two discuss this calmly and sort it out. ?
And how nice to hear from Inc again !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: BEI | 2005/07/22

Thanx for all the responces, and INC yours is the best, thanx b/f is leaving and maybe I can go on with my life and my daughter....THANX

Reply to BEI
Posted by: V | 2005/07/22

You sound like a very wise person. I have printed what you said and i am definitely gonna read your posting everytime i make such shit decisions in my life and compromise myself for a man, allowing him to belittle me in front of his x-wife and friends. I am so hurt and humilliated, that is why your words means so much to me, thank you.

Reply to V
Posted by: Belle | 2005/07/21

Inc said it all!! If I'm you, I'll print it and read it over and over and most importantly, PUT IT TO PRACTISE!!
You deserve better.

Reply to Belle
Posted by: Lola | 2005/07/21

He is just using you. You provide food, a roof over his head etc, he doesn't want to lose the free ride he is on. Kick his useless ass out and be happy with your daughter.

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Inc | 2005/07/21

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes
you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't
stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak

Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has
more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists
of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and
you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: BEL | 2005/07/21

Thanx for replying to my sub, I will never let anything hapen to my daughter and I know what to do, but he makes me feel guilty about all this, as if it's MY fault, I have messed HIS life up and now HE want's me to suffer..

Reply to BEL
Posted by: maggie | 2005/07/21

Your child is more important than you or your b/f. Do not be in any situation that is negitive for the child.
If you want someone to use you and be negitive to you , so be it ,You obviously know what you should do as half the queries on this forum are the same as yours. But your child must not be in that situation

Reply to maggie
Posted by: josie | 2005/07/21

If you dont see a lonf term future with him - GET out now bec your child is FAR more important than he is...

Maybe he is scared to be on his own with no supprt?

Reply to josie

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.