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Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/19

Need Advice Please

Hi there,

well i need advice on something, the thing is, i am 21 years old and dating my boyfriend (25) for 4 years and 5 months now. I really, really love him with all my life, but i just realized that i want to go aupair for a year in America. I just dont think he will wait for me and i dont expect him to, its just that i have this craving for an adventure, and i know he wont come with me. Am i crazy for wanting to do this?? i know what everyone will say, you are still young so enjoy your life, i know that and dont want to hear that. But am afraid when i do go and come back he will be in someone elses arms. It is still far away, but my interview is in October. Should i do it or is it just a dream i have to wake up from.. Please help i have been thinking about this for the past 3 weeks and have been thinking of all consequences within, but still considering it, i need your help on this one pleeeeaaase, should i or shouldnt i?????

Thank you so much....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No, you're not crazy, but you are wanting two apparently incompatible things. Are there not any alternative adventures available that wouldn't exclude him ? And how does he feel about both of the options you are assuming ? Surely you need to talk this through with him ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/20

THANKX A MILJION YOU GUYS, I feel much better this morning, only one problem, when im lying in bed at night thinking about this makes me sad... But i decided i will go and when im ready i will tell him, Yes, if he does love me he will wait right...if he doesnt then it will be his loss. THANX AGAIN YOU GIRLS =^..^=

Reply to Candice
Posted by: SkreP | 2007/02/19

Go, not an option to stay. If he dumps you the day after you should have left, you'll hate yourself for pandering to a penis. Conversely, if you go, and he really still loves you, he'll be waiting when you get back. If I could turn back time, the one thing I would change, would be to go overseas for a spell... broadens the horizons.

Reply to SkreP
Posted by: go go go!!!! | 2007/02/19

Go hunny, If you don't you will always wonder, Your BF is settled and you can't make him change his mind. One thing I could promise you now, If I had the oppertunity now (30 with 10yr old child) I would jump at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to go go go!!!!
Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/19

Thanx P, You guys dont understand how you have helped me, i couldnt even do my work properly, i keep on thinking all these terrible and good things that could really happen in my life, i mean i am a big girl now, and im still a baby, which means i cannot settle for one thing, yes i want him to wait for me so that i know who will be the father of my kids one day and to think that he was that man who waited for me. I really dont want to regret not going, i probably will regret going, but once im there ill probably feel better knowing there is someone out there that i miss sooo much and that i will see him soon. But thanks sooo much for all the advice, i will remember you guys Echelle, Joy and P, I will let you know when i bought that plane ticket.........

Reply to Candice
Posted by: P | 2007/02/19

The odds are 99% that your boyfriend is going to be highly upset/angry with you, but it is not because he cares for you, he is selfish and is only thinking about himself.

Obviously you will miss him and he will mis you, but your life has not even started, although you cannot see the next 40 years ahead, in which this one years break would seem worthwhile, if you do not do it, you will always think back and regret it. It is a cliche, but if you are meant for each other, things will still work out later. There are so many people that got married in their early 20's and todat they are sorry, for not having first followed their dreams and are stuck with husbands/wifes who they have now grown apart from, even if you did not go, another few years could see you still being together or drifted apart because you have grown in the following few years. So, also for your long term plans, it is better that this idea will stall you from getting married to soon. And yes, maybe he will say: "Marry me" but for selfish reasons, to try and hold you back.

Reply to P
Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/19

Thanx Joy - You really have a way of making people feel better. I have read all the comments twice from the beginning. I feel like going tomorrow. But i will wait this year, i have all the money to go, so i am set. Just need a few more pushes from people that know what they talking about, like you joy and echelle. THANX

Reply to Candice
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/19

Candice she LOVES it there!!! and if it wasnt for her man and the love they share she admitted to me that she'd stay! Its been very hard for them but they've overcome..and you know what, if it makes him feel any better mabye he should slip that ring on your finger and be happy for you as you say, knowing that you'll return and are committed to him! Shame, my friend cried many tears when she arrived there, she was all alone..and such a timid little soul but if she could do it then you can!! You sound strong enough..and all of us said, shame if Lisa could do it, really any lady can! She's made so many friends and her face just lights up when she speaks about the place and all she's experienced! You know how quickly a year flies by..nowadays its really insane how quick it is..before you know it, you'll be back with no regrets and a bank of great memories!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/19

Hi Joy,

You know what, You Right!!! i think i should start thinking of ME now and what i want to do. And he should be happy for me and knowing that i will come back, but i just think he is insecure. And i havent told him yet, but i will when the time is right... Im just worried if some people get home sick?? Does your friend enjoy it and does she like it in London? i will be doing it in California, i just hope im strong enough to leave everybody behind. Thanks so much Joy

Reply to Candice
Posted by: Joy | 2007/02/19

You should go!! A friend of mine has been working in London for two years now and has maintained a relationship with her boyfriend down here. She comes home on holidays and gets to spend time with him then. Emails often and calls at times. its not impossible!! They agreed that after two years she'll come back and stay here permanently with him.. She's now 26, left here at 24 and he's two years older than her..they'll be married soon! its only 1 year and a chance in a lifetime..dont throw it away! GO FOR IT !!! years from now you'll back and smile knowing you made a decision FOR ONCE with just YOU in mind! You'll only be resentful of him later if you dont do this!

Reply to Joy
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/02/19

Thanks, same to you!!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/19

I know its tough, but life is actually so short to make the wrong decisions. And NO, its not too late for you, you are 23 and you remind me of my sister, she is 23, got married as soon as she turned 21, with a man double her age, she feels she has nothing, so she would like to have a baby to actually make her happy. I dont think he doesnt want you, and its not too late to follow your dreams with your child. I hope everything works out for you, and dont give your dreams up!!!!!

Reply to Candice
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/02/19

This is a tough one! You have to decide what's more important. You will always wonder how it would've turned out if you don't go! I never followed my dreams and now it's too late, because I'm 23 years old with a child of a man that doesn't really know if he wants me anymore. Life is all about choices. Hope you make the right decision! Maybe you will regret things either way...

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Candice | 2007/02/19

Hi Echelle,

i know i should talk to him, but thats why im so scared, he wouldnt understand why... i mean he is my first love, we started dating in my standard 8 year, so he was and still is very jealous. I never had the chance to be alone and to express myself. I dont want to leave him, but if i dont go, then i never will go, and you are right on that one. what if he wants to engage me in this year????? then im buggerd. I do want to engage him, but dont want to say to him take your ring back, i wont see you for a year. I just dont know!!!

Reply to Candice
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/02/19

If you really feel the need to go you must go! You will regret it after a few years when you have children of your own! Then it will be too late to ever do it! If your boyfriend loves you he will wait for you, but talk to him about it and tell him exactly how you feel! If he is in someone else's arms after you've come back then he wasn't meant to be anyway. Live your dreams!

Reply to Echelle

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