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Question
Posted by: desperate | 2003/12/18

need advice please

Hello DR Cybershrink

I have a long personal saga going on right now. My boyfriend has decided to end our relationship and just move out of the house. I dont know if he is going back to his ex ( she promised me that she would make sure he leaves me) anyways I dont know if that's where he is.
I would let this go if I knew for a fact that he did not love me. But i know he does - I think he is just angry - I looked for answers that I needed, I should not have done so. it seemed that he was back with his ex while being with me. I messed up by calling her and asked for the truth. I dont know why I wanted the truth so badly, I am a few weeks pregnant, I am a strong woman but I cannot bring this baby into this world alone. Can anyone give me advice on how to get my man back. I am so scared. I dont want to do this alone. I am sorry for what I did.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear desperate,
If he knows what you said on the phone to his Ex, then obviously he has been in contact with her and has a close enough relationship for her to feel able to complain to him. You are pregnant and hormonally less able to handle such stresses right now, and his duty is absolutely to you, the mother of his unborn child, and not to his jealous Ex. Even if he became angry, he should not have walked out on you at a time like this. it sounds from your message as if this has only newly happened. He ought to think this over, realize that he over-reacted, and return to you of his own accord. But you did nothing to feel sorry for --- if he's old enough to father a child, he's old enough to be expected to behave like an adult in matters like this. And though it's sad that he and his Ex lost a child at birth, there's no possible justification for now abandoning this healthy child at this stage.

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Our users say:
Posted by: eve | 2003/12/18

you did nothing to feel sorry about, God did not feel sorry when he decided to put you on this earth. I seriously dont think you should try and get this boyfriend of yours back, what was the reason that he left. if he doesnt want to stay with you and help you then he is definitely not the right guy for you. You say you strong so you can do this on your own there are plenty of single mom and dads out there that have made it on their own. put your faith in yourself and God and my goodness you will see a difference, no matter how bad the problem is He will not let you suffer, believe me!
Good luck on the decision you make and keep us posted sweetie

Reply to eve
Posted by: me | 2003/12/18

i dont think he is confused i think he is scared losing a child at birth is the worst thing that can happen. That is wy he is drawn to his ex becouse they shere a bond that you can not break it is no the filing you think he has for her.

Reply to me
Posted by: Ouma | 2003/12/18

Honey, he has done you good by leaving. Might not seem like it how but give it time. You don't want to be with a man who already disrespects you. He will not change and your poor little one will be exposed to his bad behavior too. Let him go and find yourself a good man. You will find him if you are a good woman. I'm not sure if you have done something to upset him and he has reason to be hurt, but from what you have said I see nothing. What did happen?

Reply to Ouma
Posted by: desperate | 2003/12/18

I wanted to know the whole truth - about him and his ex, and to be honest I still dont know. All I do know is that she is willing to do any and everything to make sure i lose him. The worst part is that he is allowing it. He still loves her that much I have realised but it seems to me that she still has a hold over him. They were going to have a child together, their baby died at birth. Now she found out that I am pregnant and since then she has been a total bitch towards me ( he does not know this as he believes that she is so innocent and could never harm a fly) Well I dont know the truth always comes out. What must I do = give him his space or give up on a reconciliation, he seems very confused about what he wants. Our child is growing every day, and one day I will be showing, this is just so scary.

Reply to desperate
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/18

I dont think you were wrong to ask his mistress for the truth. Why are you feeling sorry? He is the one that was messing around. Do you really want a man back that cheated on you?? Does he know you are pregnant?

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Paul | 2003/12/18

Sorry for what you did? what did you do?

Reply to Paul

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