Our expert says:
Maybe get married in a simple legal ceremony without a wedding at all, and have a nice wedding later when you can afford it. I am certain that whatever was disasterous about your fiancee's parents marriage was NOT caused by their wedding.
But I see no problm with ezplaining to friends ( nobody else should be invited to a weddng ) that as you've been together a while you don't really need the usual wedding present gifts, but due to the astonishingly high cost of the child's needs, you'd appreciate either cash contributions, or gifts of what the child will need ( you can even supply a list as so many people now do with their wedding gifts ). Where your friends may have older children of their own, they may even have some second hand items that they'd be glad to give and which could be really handy.
One of my best friends is a wedding function organizer, but I'd say in my view the lavish weddings now fashionable are probably the very most useless expense any couple indulges in, apart from addictions.
And dont try to anticipate and buy everything in advance ? Get only the immediate needs, and get the rest as they become necessary, also taking advantage of any sales that occur. There's no special advantage in buying in advance unless the price is outstandingly good and likely to rise considerably.
Pixie raises some useful extra points, and Anon and others.
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