Posted by: Joy | 2004/11/23

Need Advice

I met my fiance last year April and he proposed in Sept,everything has been planned(lobola) has been paid and marriage is next I have discovered that Im pregnant of which we both wanted this.Through our relationship we've been having problems such as when I want to go out with friends he has a problem and when I want to go out with him he doesnt have time or he is tired bcoz he has a business(resturant)and when I ask him why he doesnt have time to spend with me,he will say if he doesnt go and work how r we gonna survive and on saturday we had an argument coz I was not in the mood for sex he said the reason he chose me to be his wife its bcoz of sex.Is right pls advise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!coz its getting too much and Im stressed.!

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Our expert says:
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Sounds a bit insulting if he sugests he only wants you as a wife because of sex, but he was probably tired and irritable when he said it. But he doesn't have time to spend with you, EXCEPT when the time is spent having sex ? Doesn't he understand that real women want love as well as only sex ?
Only discussion, and time must be made for that, can sort out this sort of squabble. I agree with dud, he needs to understand that marriage is about a whole lot more than sex, including love and respect. men must listen to their women just as much as women should listen to their man. Women are not meant to be subordinate.

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Our users say:
Posted by: joy | 2004/11/25

Thanx a lot for great advices they works wonders,its good to share.We had a discussion me & hubby he understands how I feel and promised not hurt me again.He also said what pleases me as long as it does not affect his feelings.

Reply to joy
Posted by: .... | 2004/11/23

Simply explain to your husband that you need more time with him! Tell him that this is a special time for the both of you - and that he must be considerate to your needs as a pregnant woman! It's not gonna get easier if you dont fall into a routine of understanding now already! What happens when the child is born? I think you need to chat to hubby about your feelings and maybe as a bonus consider joining the family business (restuarant) so you can maybe see or share the same feelings.. As for the sex line - just ignore him please! He's trying to be a Big Shot at your expense - dont allow him! Remember that even though he's your husband - he no longer is the priority in this picture - your unborn baby is! So if he wants to have a moment of childishness - then let him - just dont get yourself worked because of him - and that's on a Husband / No-Husband tip!

Reply to ....
Posted by: Joy | 2004/11/23

Thanx guys for the reply,maybe I didnt make myself clear.We do go out together but when it suites him and the business operates till morning especially on weekends and when he is there during day weekdays Im not there coz Im at work and on weekends during the day he sleeps and want me to be next to him then late he goes to the restuarant.What I dont understand is when I suggest he doent listen to it but when he talks I must listen bcoz his the man and I cant compare myself.His the man and I ama woman).Pls say if Im wrong.

Reply to Joy
Posted by: dudu | 2004/11/23

you've already mentioned that he wants to marry u beacuse he wants sex,being his wife doea not ,mean is for sex only, but he must love and respect u. talk to him, make him see his wrong side, how can he not allow u to be friends he's unfair and it's better being with friends rather than being with men outside and if he's prepared to spend the rest of his life with u, he must also be prepared to go out with u, infact that's the most thing he should be doing just to show u that he cares, and the fact that u're caring his baby must so special bettween the two u, he must be proud, otherwise or maybe he's shy u 're looking so big and fat beacuse of that baby inside u,coz men are choosey.

goodluck lady and make sure he's not dating someone at the moment coz men are dogs and will always be, he might be cheating just check on him and how he reacts. is there a valid reason for him not wanting to take u out except that' he's tired,

wake up lady and smell the roses, and smell the coffe also remeber to catch that train before it slips out of your hand s.

Reply to dudu
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/11/23

Don't be surprised when you find out that he gets it somewhere else, because you don't want to give it to him.

This is a small domestic problem which you should sort out through discussion. You have a case, but so does he. You should talk and compromise.

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