Posted by: Depressed | 2008/05/29

Need a friend

Hey all,
I'm just feeling very down and alone today. I've been married for the 2nd time for 15 yrs. I'm in my 40's my 2 kids are grown up. My husband and I had problems for the last 5 yrs, he is an alcoholic. His been for counselling for like a month and just stop going. Always when I get home after work he is already "far away" and round 6 at nite he is passed out. I have spoken to him about it and he just tells me it's his life he can do what he wants and tells me if I don't like it I can go and stay else where. About 3 weeks ago he got home late also drunk and told me again to f* off. I left him the nex day (I'm staying with my son ) Since I left him he hasn't say anything like he misses me or he is sorry or nothing, he just carries on as if nothing is wrong. How can some one that you've been married to for so long just throw you away like you are an animal? I've invited him over last Sunday he just said his got plans with his friends. (they are part of the problem cose he spends all his time drinking with then)
Sorry to pack all my problems on U all, just needed to talk to some one, just feel very lonely and depressed today.

Hope U all have a fantastic day

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Our expert says:
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In addition to this forum, consider alling the Anxiety/Depression Support group, and Lifeline, for more people to talk to directly.
Your husband is an inconsiderate alcoholic, with apparently no genuine motivation to get a grip on his problem. It is NOT merely his life --- he is married, and with children, so his choosing to booze affects your life as well as his. This is not your fault --- he is currently choosing his booze ( and the friends who make him feel good about boozing ) over the marriage. Its not that he doesn't want you, but that he over-poweringly wants the booze more than anything else. And he may indeed feel that you are better off with your son than with him while he still doesn't have the guts to change. Check with your local AA is there's a nearby Al-Anon group for support of family of alcoholics.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Depressed | 2008/05/29

Thanx a lot for all the advice, I know I can't go back to him, I now realise that he doesn't want me. But it just hurt some times to think that a man can throw you away like that when they no longer want you. And when I think of the good times we had, it makes me sad. But I know it will get better with time. It's just not easy.

Thanx Lenzy I will send U a mail, I just need some one to talk to now and then.

Reply to Depressed
Posted by: Lenzy | 2008/05/29

Depressed, i am sorry to hear about your situiation. maybe i can be ur friend. i am 27 yrs old and my friend is 55 and we get alonmg very well. we support each other emotionally and if u wanna join us, e-mail me

b.lenzy at yahoo dot com

Reply to Lenzy
Posted by: Another | 2008/05/29

You did the right thing. Don't start doubting yourself or your actions, you are better off without him. I wish I could do the same, but unfortunately I have a seven year old daughter with my husband. It almost sounds like we are married to the same man! My son and his wife already said we are welcome to come and stay with them, but my husband threatened to take my daughter and dissapear if I would do something like that. Good luck dear friend, stick to your decision, you won't regret it. It might not feel like it right now, but later on you will see you made the right choice. Men like that never change, they only get worse. Just so that you know you are not alone, ther are many of us around.

Reply to Another
Posted by: Babe | 2008/05/29

He's gotten too used to you always being there and being dependedant on him. I would say you should get your independence back. Visit old friends/ family in another town for a day or two. Dont call him or ask about him or tell him where you have been. Take time to do some soul searching - what do you want in life and what will make you happy? Go for a make over - change your hair/ try a new style of clothing. Do things that will make you feel better about yourself. Make him realise that he will lose his soulmate if he loses you - but without you saying a word.

Good luck

Reply to Babe
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/05/29

hey there. im sorry about your husband. but maybe you are better off without him. there are many reasons for the way he is behaving. maybe he is happy you left. perhaps he fell out of love or was unhappy with you and didnt know how to tell you. OR maybe he doesnt want you to suffer with him and his drinking problems anymore. maybe he feels guilty for making you endure his alcholism. he loves you too much to see you suffer. maybe he is immature and only wants to have a good time. maybe he is extremely depressed and doesnt even know what he is doing anymore. you should get to the root of the problem and go from there.

Reply to almost mad

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