Our expert says:
I know that you know, perfectly well, that Cyanide is not the solution to any of your problems. If you have been growing depressed over these recent years, this on its own could acount for the failures and isolation you perceive. But while this may make you feel that the situation is hopeless, it does not mean that it actually is so.
Be less aggressive towards yourself, and become more aggressive FOR yourself-- insist on getting proper attention from the appropriate experts and on getting proper treatment. And work passionately to ensure that therapy works --- and you CAN achieve good results.
Depression, and the suicidal way of thinking it often leads towards, is like a long narrowing tunnel. Gradually you fail to notice anything positive in your life and options, even if they are there. Eventually, indeed, it may sincerely feel that "there is no other way". But that does not mean that there actually is no other way, only that you haven't found it. Yet. Like a preson at the bottom of a valley at night, who can't see that there are several roads that lead out of the valley.
Call Lifeline or any other similar local service ; see your local GP or go to your nearest good hospital Casualty Dept, explain how desperate you are feeling, and demand a proper assessment and treatment. You deserve nothing less than that.
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