Posted by: Low low | 2008/12/18

Nearly too late

I am a social alcoholic, I say that because I don’ t get up and drink first thing in the morning. I think real alcoholics do that. Is there a difference? At first, I wouldn’ t admit it to myself, although I saw the signs a couple of months ago. I few events I can think off led to my acknowledging it.
After work, I go to the pub. I thought of it as socialising, de-stressing, always had a few. I created an excuse to drink. Later came the shooters, and always a few too many. Pubbing, clubbing. What a life. We, my ‘ friends’  and I always did this, for two years now. The more the merrier and the bigger the laugh.
I later started drinking at home. Then also, gin alone wasn’ t good enough. Shooters it had to be. And it was great. Most evenings getting into a drunken state, going home or staying at home, passing out on the couch if the bed was too far. God knows how I got home at times without killing myself or anybody else. Sometimes I couldn’ t remember everything or how I got home. Sometimes I’ d remember all of it and laughed at myself.
Drinking at home wasn’ t that bad. The couch or bed was always near and I did not have to drive. I started showing aggressive traits when I drink too much, but didn’ t think of it too much. Thought, well, #*#* happens and sort of laughed it off.
I got warning signs, my kidneys and liver was sore at times. I think they just gave up letting me know how they feel. Maybe I still have something to do here. I might sound like a total upside downer, but actually, I have by own business, which I hate, but feel responsible for. How many times did I get there with no interest, simply because I was so hung over I didn’ t feel like doing a thing? I feel terrible about that.
This feeling does not match the total inadequate and hurtful person I’ ve become. My drinking changes my personality lately. And I’ ve realised that those closest to me I hurt the most. My relationships with people go around how much we can drink, not about life. Having to acknowledge I have a problem is not the best thing in the world I can think of doing. But I have to face up to my own actions. I can blame a lot of things and the world, but that would be an excuse for my bad habit.
I am happy that I could come to this point of realisation, before I destroy everything else as well. I should’ ve known, once an addict, always and addict. It is only the substance that changes, not the addiction. Let this be a lesson. I can sit here and bull myself, but an uphill battle it will be. Anything is better than facing reality head on. I am leaving my crutches and need to walk on my own. I’ ll do it thankful and grateful  I can still save myself, and shame, my liver, poor thing.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Most alcoholics find some artificial criteria for deciding that they themselves are not a "real" alcoholic. A real alcoholic has problems related to consuming too much alcohol, whatever the pattern or timing of their over-consumption. Some drink only in binges and may be entirely sober between these ; some drink in the early mornings, some late at night. So what ?
However, you are wise to recognize that you have been developing a significant problem --- NEEDING to drink, drinking alone, and to excess. memory disturbance. The good news is that, having realized this, you can indeed stop drinking, though I strongly advise that you see a shrink to get ongoing help and support with this, rather than tryingto do it entirely on your own. Its easy to become alcoholic without any expert assistance a all ; but NOT to give up the bad habit and chemical dependency --- there one needs and deserves proper help

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Hi | 2008/12/18

Low low,

Sorry to say it but you in deed are a ' real'  alcoholic, as put in the first paragraph of your post. People abuse alcohol for different reasons. It' s not the reason that makes one an alcoholic but plainly put the way (when, where, how) it' s done. It' s a chemical dependancy.

In May I was in rehab for 3 weeks. Also started out just socially, it ended with me abusing my fiance to the point where I would get physical. After a few drinks I would change into someone completely different. Rehab did me good and I am now sober, life is much more enjoyable and challenging when you face it sober. Otherwise, what' s the point?

Go do your GP and get a prescription for antabuse if you' re not planning on going to rehab. You have to take your problem seriously.

Good luck.

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