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Question
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/05

Nè spoilt?

Good Morning to all of you!

What happened was that G's kids have been especially naughty so much so that the eldest got his first hiding from me this weekend (as well as one from G, which I could not believe as he never smacks his kids).

I also did not take them with me on shopping Saturday only Ne. Mainly coz if I leave her the maids got to watch all the time that she does not get pushed etc. I said they could stay with the maid until they one day know how to behave when we go out.

In annnnnny case on Sunday we went shopping and Ne wanted a little doll that cries when you push it's tummy.

Its only R49.99 so I bought it for her.

But I could see the other kids were talking to G but not so that I could hear.

Last nite he said I cannot give Ne everything her heart desires.....Coz if she does not get what she want's she starts crying and then I give it to her coz her crying is worse...I don't think I do this because some times I do say NO and my NO is my NO.

She's just been an angel for over a week now and I thought she deserved it.

He said what about the other kids ? He say's it's not right towards them.

So every time Ne gets something they must get something ? Maybe I am wrong if I am please tell me. Yes G buys sweets and always for Ne as well, he wont just buy for his kids.

Nou wat nou gemaak ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: VM | 2005/12/05

Sure, glad to have been of help :=)

Reply to VM
Posted by: CP | 2005/12/05

Thanks VM!

Reply to CP
Posted by: VM | 2005/12/05

Hi CP Mom,

I grew up in a house hold where there was step family, I can tell you that it is a horrilke feeling when one parent only gets his/ her children something.

Maybe you should start a star chart with rewards that everyone can work towards so that when you do reward a child for doing well, its not seen as favouritism.

I think G's kids might grow to resent you and Ne' if they percieve you to blantantly spoil Ne' and not them.

I remember my step dad used to only let his daughter drink Coke, the rest of us had to have Oros. As a result we ended up excluding her from all our games etc, it made a definite devision. As in: Not OUR kids, but HIS and HERS.

Not a good situation for step families.

Reply to VM
Posted by: lady nina | 2005/12/05

hi girl

nee wat nooi ek dink nie sy het die vermoe om a spiolt brat the wees nie maar jy moet "blameless" wees voor die ander kinders en nie vir haar goed koop as hulle by is nie - dit veroorsaak dat hulle haar terugkry as jy nie by is nie en jy sukkel hoeka omdat hulle haar afknou

as ne huil vir iets en hulle is by moet jy maar vir ne vasvat en jou "nee" moet a "later" word - en as hulle weg is dan koop jy dit sodat sy dit kan geniet sonder dat die ander nytig is teenoor haar

mooi bly

nina

Reply to lady nina
Posted by: Nat | 2005/12/05

So they were naughty, and she wasn't. I cant say that I'm a fan of using gifts/toys as a form of positive reinforcement. Especially in a house with multiple children where one always gets into more than his/her share of mischief and another is usually the angel. Children also shift blame and sometimes its impossible to get to the truth. I was frequently blamed for things my sister did just because I was the mischievous one, and she was the 'good girl'. It defintely warped my relationship with my sister. In truth it cuts both ways and she cant stand me either although that may be based more in jealousy. Now my mom is always telling her to come to me for advice. She was very sheltered, and I banged my head multiple times and got a LOT of life experience.

So yes - I think you were wrong in buying Ne something and not the others. In your defence, she does need a lot more reinforcement than the other children do. So G has a point, but so do you - even if I think the reasons why you did it should be different.

Reply to Nat
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/05

I have never understood why some people get all of the kids something when it is only one's birthday. Surely only the rich can do this???? I agree with your sister.

You are in a very difficult situation as well in that you can't really say too much, so you have my sympathies.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/05

Jy sien Frusty (OH ja goeie more) hulle is bederf dink ek want if it's one's b/day the other 2 will get something small......which I think makes them always expect something.

My sister on the other hand believes kids must only get something in b/days and xmass.....

Dankie vir jou insig ek stem saam!

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/05

Good Morning, MOMMY OF THE YEAR!

Gee, it sounds like you have had quite a weekend.

Okay, here is my humble opinion. What G must realise is that Ne is a special little gift from God, and she doesn't understand things the way "normal" people do. I am sure she cannot grasp the fact that she can't have something simply because then the other kids must get as well. I personally feel that the other kids should be made to realise and understand this.

I don't know if this is any help at all, but it is how I see it.

Reply to Frusty

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