Posted by: CP MOM | 2009/05/28

Nè  acting up

Hi CS - long time no speak? How are you ? How did the " meeting"  with the guys from H24 go? Are they not at least prepared to change the BLUE to BLACK or something easier?

I kept Nè  out of school this week - she only went on Monday.

Lately she' s been impossible in the morning. I always leave before she' s up so her caregiver (she' s been with us a long time) has to get her ready. She slaps, screams, and really behaves badly in the mornings and refuses to go to school. With much ado Lulu gets her dressed but only barely. Monday G had to physically pick her up from the floor and carry her to the school bus! I then telephoned the teacher she was surprised because she say that everything is fine at school. The busdriver also say' s that once she' s on the bus all is ok.

The teacher did however say that with the cold Nè ' s got maybe she' s just not feeling well. Could be but not why she' s so stubborn in the morning. I' ve tried putting her to bed earlier and leaving her to go when she wants to. I' ve tried to " talk"  to her about going every day and it' s one of those things in life. She' s fine at night but in the morning - a nightmare.

The teacher did say that Nè ' s irritated by most of the other kids in the class as they are all " cleverer"  than her and are more abled so they want ot do everything for her even wipe her nose. She' s lately started slapping kids as well. She' s always been the meak and mild kid who has been slapped - the teacher does not see this as a bad thing - she say it' s good that she defends herself. The other day Nè  told me she slapped Fabio when I said why she showed to her cheek and said " he tissed me here"  (kissed) so i guess that' s a good reason to slap a guy! hee hee

In the afternoons she' s aparently fine when I get home she helps Lulu open the garage for me and everything the moment I get out the car she ignored me and refuses to speak to me. About an hour after im home and been ignoring her she then comes to say " sorry mommy HELLO"  and then she huggs me etc.

I thought this fighting in the morning is just not worth it because whats she really missing if she does not go to school - so i' ve said ok stay then and informed the bus and school. In the evenings she say' s she wants to go to school then i say no more school you just fight and she gets very upset with me.

Monday we' ll have to try again..

Any ideas CS?

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Our expert says:
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Long story, as meeting with H24 top brass postponed to June. And the planned meeting the other Saturday fell through. through nobody's fault, when the very nice top chap fell ill a the last moment. Its still planned, and I have made notes on comments about the re-design.
As for Ne, the teahers comments fit with your morning problems --- it sounds as though she is frustrated by her dis-abilities, about the things she can't do for herself, and especially when people insist on doing for her things she could do for herself. I wonder whether the carer tends to do things Ne could do, because Ne would be much slower -- and this would be like her being annoyed when kids at school wipe her nose for her. I don['t know your time-table, but is it possible to give Ne a personal timetable, in which she'd have X amount of time to do Y chores within the task of getting herself dressed and ready, and know that she can get help from the carer whenever she asks for it, and that if she can't finish each task within the time needed, the carer will step in to complete the task. To emphasize how much she is doing for herself and praising her for all she can do, de-emphasizing what she can't do ( either at all or not within the time available ).
Sounds like she's getting more assertive, both in a useful self-protective way, and sometimes perhaps inappropriately.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sunflower | 2009/05/28

Hello jy, jammer om te hoor wat by die huis aangaan, lees bietjie wat in my lewe deesdae gebeur, let me know what you think...sterkte engel, ek dink nog aan jou...

Reply to Sunflower
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/28

I guess that does make it a lot more difficult. You sound like an amazing mom - she is lucky to have someone like you.

I hope things get better for the both of you.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: CP MOM | 2009/05/28

Unfortunately when you have a disabled child you dont have much choice in schools - and this one is the only one in our are she can go to.

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/05/28

Have you tried changing her school? Maybe there is an element there that really upsets her.

My son refused to go to school as well and was " fine"  when I called there during the day too. I found out months later he was being picked on by another child and everytime he told his teacher this child lied and my son was the one being punished and didnt tell me as he thought I would believe his teacher over him.

I moved him and now my morning are scream free and you can see he is much happier.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: CP MOM | 2009/05/28

I forgot to add i cant let her just stay at home she' s bored out of her mind - she needs the stimulation. I think the caregiver will also run away if she' s at home all the time.

Reply to CP MOM

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