Posted by: Landie | 2008/07/29

My World is Crashing Down!

Dear Doc.

My husband starting doing extra work from home about 2 months ago to help make ends meat each month. Since then I have been feeling pushed aside, lonely...... I know hes doing it for us to pay bills each month, but you know what, i cant live from water and food alone, i need love 2. I need emotional support, i need a friend, a lover........ I need him 2 be there for me as im there for him everytime he needs me...... We have talked about this and he keeps on screaming at me that I need to understand that he cant spend time with me cause he has to work, at one stage he even pushed me away when I wanted to get intimate with him?
We had fights about him not giving any attention 2 me and not caring about wheter I need some one to talk to when ive had a hard day .......

Its like he doesnt care about me anymore? I started going out with my friends, started chatting on a chatsite and made new friends, he started to fight with me about going out, chatting on the site and every little thing he could dig up...... I told him that I cant survive on water and food allone I need love 2, he says that I need 2 understand the situation, but I cant, I have needs 2 and I am starting to wonder if marriage is for me? Im starting to wonder if he really loves me? I need to know what I should do, why can other men give me the attention I deserve and the love that I need, but my own husband cant? We know each other for 11 Years and married for 6 years, but its starting to feel like a prison sentence that wont end...... Im suppose to feel happy but im not, he doesnt understand me anymore and he doesnt care, he gets irritated with me when I start talking about our problems, and it leaves me with little choice, i want to know if you think we should get a divorce, my life is to short to spend it with somebody that doesnt give me what I need.....

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Our expert says:
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I hear clearly how much you feel the need of more love and support from your husband. How much love and support have you been giving him in this difficult time ? How much are you there for him ? He's doing unpleasant extra work to try to solve your financial problems, and you want to go out with friends ? And flirting on a chat site ?
COuld you be doing some extra work, too, to help ends meet AND, perhaps enabling both of you to do a little less of the extra work and spend more time together ? YOu seem to be assuming that he should do whatever extra work is needed so you can take the "water and food" for granted. It matters, of course, when you have had a hard day --- what about his hard days ? DO you support him about those, too ? IN other words, do you do, for him, what you expect him to do for you ? Isn't working extra to pay your bills a sign of love ( and an awful lot more love than anyone flirting on a chat site will ever give you ) ? I hear that you feel unhappy --- how happy does he feel ? Why dopes it sound, from your message, that only your happiness should count ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just | 2008/07/30

I know what you are going through. Some people dont know how to balance work and private life. Work and money is not everything. I am almost in the same situation. I understand and know where he is coming from. But he seems over the top and stresses about nothing and then get sick from all the worries. This makes me unhappy and makes me depressed. I tried to help him but seems that i am not getting anywhere.

Now i see i am not the only one. Luckly i am not married yet.

Reply to Just
Posted by: Curious | 2008/07/30

Maybe you should leave him then the poor man will have a chance to find a decent, caring, loving woman who will appreciate him. Not someone who is all me, me, me, I want, I need.....

Reply to Curious
Posted by: Oh Yes!! | 2008/07/29

Do you really think your world is crashing down... maybe take a look around you - I am a breadwinner with 3 children at school and a husband that has serious health problems... my savings plan on my medical aid has run out so all tests etc have to be paid out of my purse... so when there is barely enough money to live for the month I thank God that at least we have each other and when my husband does manage to make a little bit of money [selling the vegetables we grow in our garden] I thank him with tears in my eyes, because he is trying the best he can do because he loves me and the children.... start counting your blessings as there is always someone else out there worse off than you!

Reply to Oh Yes!!
Posted by: Jane | 2008/07/29

Is your husband doing this work to get you out of debt ie short term or is it that you cannot come out on his salary?

I feel for your husband because it sounds as if he is trying his utmost to provide for you and worrying himself sick about finances. Worrying about something can affect men sexually too you know.

Why don' t you try and find some work at home to help out? Is his work such that you can' t help him with it?

Try to be patient with him, I wouldn' t throw away all your years together. What about his needs?

Reply to Jane

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