Posted by: Chris | 2011/10/02

My wife has no / low interest in sex

Since the birth of our 1st one, she has never made any moves to me for sex. Always an excuse, too tired, baby is sleeping, not now, headache or any feeble excuse. It''s always me who make the move. Before the birth of the baby, we had sex about 3 times a week, now it is like once a week and always from my side and the moment it''s over she turn around and go to sleep. I''ve told her this concerns me, she denies there is something wrong. If i really want to, I could go out and cheat on her - but then again, that is not my type. I absolutely hate a person who cheats on his/her partner. My question is, is this normal or is it post-natal depression. The baby is a year old now, we''ve been married for 4 years and both are early 30''s, me 32, she 31.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

dear chris
lack of desire for sex post delivery is very common and is linked to a variety of factors like hormonal changes ,breast feeding, oral contraceptive use, change of routine , tiredness, pressure of work(if she is ) etc . what will assist will be a focused approach outside of sex to start the"outercourse" in preparation for sex like sharing chores ,sensual masage ,talking about what she likes now (not the past), what you like now ,and sometimes just being held and no sex or non demand touching

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Our users say:
Posted by: Leroy | 2011/10/03

that is a lot of bulls***t. when you be a caring man you then have to welcome another baby at the expense of another man so it is just an excuse but they (women) are sick.

Reply to Leroy
Posted by: Portia | 2011/10/03

i disagree with Wife Woman and Mother, i am a woman too, but that''s has anything to do with ignoring your huby. as a wife, we ought to give our huby their time. i am a mother of two/twins so to say. but i always have my time to my huby. you don''t know how disturbing it is when you want your partner and he/she doesn''t feel the same. i am strugling with my huby now he doesn''t feel like it and it''s so sad if you want it and not to get it. you don''t know what you''re talking about. i am going through that road now and if you have never experieced it it''s easy for you to talk about tiredness and bla bla blaaaa. but you can''t always being tired to your huby, if you want the marriage to work, if you want your huby to have another relationship keep on saying you''re tired. have a way of addressing the situation.

Reply to Portia
Posted by: romany | 2011/10/03

100% spot on to Woman, wife and Mother

Reply to romany
Posted by: Chris758 | 2011/10/03

Woman, wife and Mother.
I totally agree with you on your post and I also think that the men do not think about this the way you do!!

Reading through your post I think you turned your back on your husband again maybe last night because you still sound a bit p-off!!

Hope the day hets better!!!! hehehehe!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: Woman, Wife, Mother | 2011/10/03

You men are such callous, unfeeling, insensitive, morons. Why not just all go back to Mars where you came from, because you really dont have a how to handle a woman

It has nothing to do with women being indoctrinated against sex. If that were the case, she would not have wanted anything to do with you sexually before the baby too.

You obviously have NO IDEA what having a baby takes out of a woman physically, mentally or emotionally. Instead of being there for your FAMILY,

When a baby is born, for a man, except for a little lost sleep and an extra chore or two, it''s business as usual. Your wife''s live has changed dramatically. She is not just a wife any more, she is now the primary care giver to a little thing that can do absolutely nothing for itself and needs 24 hours attention. She has probably gone back to work, by now, so she is not just holding down a job and taking care of a house, but, she is also caring for someone that can do nothing for itself. It is demanding and stresfull. Very stressful.

She does not have another lover, she has a family, and her focus and priorities have changed. She is stressed out and exhausted. A baby does not just take it out of you emotionally, but physically, your body has been through a tremendous amount of change, and I am sorry to say but from experience I can tell you, it doesnt just come right overnight. In my case it too absolute ages, and I had no desire for sex for years after my children were born. It is only really in the last three years or so that my sex drive has come right and I can let myself go and enjoy it again.

It would be absolutely lame of you to go out and cheat on her. You cant hate it that much if you would even entertain the thought ! Rather invest your energy in helping as much as you can with your FAMILY - THAT YOU HELPED CREATE, and nurture your wife. At this point, you should be treating her like a queen. Instead of wanting sex all the time, why not try and give her what she needs. Your attention, hugs, kisses, foot rubs, back rubs - let her know you are there for her, and you understand that her life has changed.

When I turn my back on my husband after sex, it is usually because I am still upset about something he did or said before that I am still cross about that was not resolved. I just went throught the motions to keep his mouth shut about it. I have no interest in snuggling or cuddling because to be able to be intimate with somebody, I need to be connected and invested in them. Sex without investmennt is just that. Sex. It has no meaning and it is not how I express love. I express love with hugs cuddles, kisses etc. I cannot do this if I am p!ssed off. Maybe you should find out if there is unfinished business between you that she is still upset about but keeps quiet just to keep the peace? Just a thought.

Support and love your wife. This will pass, but you need to be part of the solution, not add to the problem. Otherwise, you will find yourself paying maintenance very soon.

Reply to Woman, Wife, Mother
Posted by: amy | 2011/10/02

Dear Chris, having a new baby takes alot out of a woman, new responsibilities not enough sleep extra worries, it is normal for her to feel like this, offer to help her out with the baby prior to bed time to give her more time to relax this should make a difference, and as the baby gets older things wil go back to normal

Reply to amy
Posted by: Oh dear ! | 2011/10/02

Join the club my friend. I''m not really sure what gets into their heads. If she was older I could understand to an extent because girls were indoctrinated AGAINST sex and sexual pleasure from a young age. However at her age the sexual revolution has come and gone so she should be more amenable to the old hanky panky. Maybe she has another lover (sorry but this IS an indicator) or you are not just doing it for her ? You have to talk to her about it.

Reply to Oh dear !

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