Posted by: Stressed Friend | 2008/11/28

my wedding or yours? Upstage the Bride??

guys, my friend is getting married tomorrow and i am the Matron of honor!!!! (regretfully)

she told me about the wedding 3 weeks ago and asked me to be a Matron of honor! without thinking i just said yes!!!! now i am in debts!! but what pisses me off is that she couldn' t be bothered about me! she does not call me to find out if i am ok (with outfits, hair etc!)

Now she doesn' t want to put eyelashes on, manicure and pedicure!?! - I do not attend a wedding without those! so i don' t want it to appear as though i want to upstage her and i will not make a fool of myself either?!? i don' t know what to do, she is frustrating me more than my debts?!?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'm amazed you thought this was a question to ask a psychiatrist. Though there is something sick about someone who is in debt, and frets that she might not get a manicure and pedicure and false eyelashes for a brief event.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Asking | 2008/12/02

And which culture is that?

Reply to Asking
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/28

Ok, maybe I don' t understand this whole thing. I' m from a different culture, and we don' t have bridesmaids at our weddings.

So I guess I shouldn' t comment on something I don' t understand too well. I apologise for that.
I just don' t get why the bride should have to pay and worry about making other people look beautiful. When these other people are not the ones getting married. In my culture, everyone pays for their own stuff. It' s not the brides responsibility.

Reply to ?
Posted by: tolly | 2008/11/28

cut the chick some slack. She is doing it at short notice and is expected to look nice and pay for her things. However, thinks such as manicures etc should come out of her own pocket. When I got married my sister paid for her dress but I paid for her hair and make-up and I bought her some jewllery

Reply to tolly
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/28

huh? yes, I know that the bride is supposed to look fabulous on her wedding day.

Reply to ?
Posted by: Frustrated friend | 2008/11/28

? - which continent are you from! this is her wedding day she is supposed to look fabulous!!!! ok, you' ve missed the point... it' s ok

Reply to Frustrated friend
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/28

I still think you' re being ridiculous.

You' re there to support your friend on her big day. It' s about the marriage of two people who love each other. No one' s going to notice your lashes or nails. And even if you do do it, you won' t be upstaging her, because no one will notice it. The focus is always on the bride.

A person can easily look presentable without having fake lashes and nails done. Why not do your own nails at home, and wear a good mascara? You will still look very presentable.

But if you must do it, go ahead. I' m sure your friend won' t actually care much. She will be more concerned about her big day. Clearly she' s the only one concerned about that - as everyone else seems to worry more about how they look.

Reply to ?
Posted by: stressed friend | 2008/11/28

mmmm- you have summed it all up - A big thank you to you! now i feel much much better.

Reply to stressed friend
Posted by: stressed friend | 2008/11/28

ok, maybe CS thinks i' m (whatever he thinks) and some people totally blew this out of proportion!

My issues are:

1 - She told me 3 weeks before the wedding (almost everyone tells me that maybe someone let her down) and then she thought of me
2 - She should at least show concern given the time and everything - be concerned if all things are going well!!!! not act as if she' s doing me a favor
3 - i don' t care if she doesnt want anything fake on her - but i don' t want people to think that i want to upstage her - you get what i' m saying.

Thank you to all those that can identify to my situation! and thanks to all those that commented only because they' ve got time in their hands!

For the record- i am not ugly, i just care about my presentation!!!

Reply to stressed friend
Posted by: mmmm | 2008/11/28

imagine, then what must the groom be going through. Why do you ladies always make a big fuss about
1. the wedding day - as opposed to the lifetime marriage?
2. make ups, manicures, eyelashes etc - why do you feel that you need a mask? what are you hiding behind it?

CS, see, I think there are a few reasons that this question is posted to a psychiatrist' s website:
A. the whole notion of make-ups et al is sick (you CS come in there) 
B. This is a great forum to bounce off issues that bother us and get quick opinions - whether those are relevant or not! And we thank you for this wonderful platform.
C. Stressed Friend CANNOT say NO! She needs counselling! She is so gullible! Maybe that explains why she is indebted to a point where she feels that it requires to be posted here and receives counselling - debt counselling! And there is nothing wrong with that. Most people never receive such a helpful life lessons especially about personal financial management. People have to remember where we come from as a SA nation - we come from a seperatist backgrounds where some were more fortunate/privy than others in certain areas. I do not blame you Stressed Friend for wanting all those fake things on  I wouldn' t want to be caught lacking in my know-how in a public place like a wedding either. People must see how beautiful I' m dressed and give me respect, I think (even thought that may not necessarily correct).

Anyway, Good Luck

Reply to mmmm
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/28

Read her post again. The bride did organise her a dress and hair. The 80% who get their nails done, well no problem with that. If that' s what they want to do, then great. Even if stressed girl wants to do hers, then that' s fine. But do it without complaining.

The bride has not stopped her from doing anything! She' s simply not doing those things for herself.

What' s the point of getting all worked up about it, complaining about the bride and throwing a tantrum cos she can' t do her nails?

If she wants to do her nails and get lashes, she must do it. No need to complain to everyone - and most certainly no need to call the bride selfish cos poor bride has done no wrong here. Best part is she can' t even afford to get nails and lashes done!

Reply to ?
Posted by: Anon3 | 2008/11/28

nobody is hard on anyone, i am so upset to be reading this.

your best friend chose u out of all her friends, now u come here and tell us about fake staff why cant u accept yourself as who u are jus like your friend is, even if it ws her responsibility to take u to the salons and all that right now she needs u as a friend she' s more nervous and stressed as its her big day. she proberbly knows that u have the best wardrobe u can always look good...go support and make sure she' s calm &  has nothing to worry about...

my boyfriend was invited by his best friend he grew up with to be his best man...he said no he wants to wear a worksuit bcos its his best friend' s wedding instead of looking handsome there on suits he' d rather make sure every thing is running smooth video cameras and the works,also the guests as well. etc... im not saying decline but stop being selfish and support ur friend im sure she will do the same with u as well...

Reply to Anon3
Posted by: jenny | 2008/11/28

I always look good at weddings etc, And I would be very offended if anyone told me how to dress and do my hair. You just dont do things like that.
The maid of honour should compliment the bride. What if stressed friend does not look nice without her eyelashes on? Shame, I think you are all being very hard on her.
I agree , the bride is being selfish,

Reply to jenny
Posted by: Anon2 | 2008/11/28

The bride has not organised her a dress or her hair..
What about the guests who at least 80% will go for their hair and nails???

Reply to Anon2
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/28

Ya, but she' s not asking her not to wear make-up. The bride has got her a dress and organised hair, and I' m sure make up as well.

Why does she even care if she doesn' t get her nails and lashes done? I mean really. What if the bride can' t afford to pay for all of that. As a friend, you shouldn' t get upset about it. Geez, this is so ridiculous.

Stressed friend...I bet you' re a blonde chic who freaks out when her nail chips. I can picture u as one of thos tarty, air-head girls from Legally Blonde. Even CyberShrink thinks you' re sick!

Reply to ?
Posted by: Anon 2 | 2008/11/28

Her bride buddy is being very selfish dont you think???
If your bride friend told you not to wear any make-up to her wedding, would you feel comfortable????? HOW DARE SHE!.

Reply to Anon 2
Posted by: ? | 2008/11/28

I can' t believe what I' m reading. I cannot for the life of me believe that you are actually upset that you cannot do your nalis and have eyelashes at someone ELSE' S wedding!!!! Are you getting married or is she? You' re not the bride. And it' s the brides day!

But here' s her best friend whining cos she wants to do her lashes and get a manicure. What kind of a friend are you? I TOTALLY agree with what Um said. Your job is to make your friend feel comfortable, and stress free. You' re there to support her...not go against her.

Don' t be so stupid and try to upstage the bride. It' s her moment. How would you feel if your brides maid tried to look better than you on your wedding day? I' m pretty sure you wouldn' t like it.

Gosh...what a waste of energy. If only your friend could read this...I think she' d change her mind about getting you to be her Matron of Honour.

Reply to ?
Posted by: Anon | 2008/11/28

When I got married, I took my brides maides to the hairdresser, make-up artist, and a lovely bridal shop to buy them each the same gorgeous gown.I then bought them each a pair of earings and something nice for around their neck. We then went shoe shopping........
This is how it should be done. Look your best sweetie, She is either jelous of you or DOG ugly.
You shouldn`t have to pay for anything!!!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Um | 2008/11/28

You are not part of the wedding to see what you can score from it. You are part of the wedding to support the bride on HER special day. That is the matron of honors job, to make the bride comfortable and do whatever she needs done.

You don' t need to spend loads or to have salon treatments to look beautiful.

Reply to Um
Posted by: Best | 2008/11/28

I had the very same experience with a friend of mine who is also getting married this weekend, she did not give me a choice I had to pull out from the weeding plans. somehow she thought she was doing me a favor, telling me how and when to do things. Stressed friend- Do it I mean its only tomorrow and you have bought the staff already  regarding your lashes and manicures that is up to you she has no say, do whatever that makes you feel beautiful.

Reply to Best
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/11/28

You dont need fake eyelashes, mani and pedi to look beautiful. Its her wedding, if thats what she wants it doesnt sound too much to ask. I understand that she may be annoying, but let it pass. Im sure you will still look great,

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: stressed friend | 2008/11/28

i am indeed footing my own bill hence i am in debt. I am so stressed i' ve been sick even. Maybe i like pleasing people at my own cost but i' ve learnt my lesson.

Reply to stressed friend
Posted by: apple | 2008/11/28

if you are in debt, why are you thinking of doing all those things? surely you will not be upstaging her if you take care of yourself! - providing you dont wear white of course! She obviously wants a low key affair and that is her right. my friend asked me to be her M of H and then made ridiculous demands about where i should have my hair, make up and clothes sorted out -while at the same time asking me to foot my own bill- i thought what cheek! Anyway the friendship suffered. It is not your wedding so dont stress.

Reply to apple

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