Posted by: wife... | 2009/02/25

my story..}what now?

we met 2000 had a child while not married and i guess not knowing each other very well, that was in 2001, started staying with eachother 2002 then i started seeing i sight that i didnt like (which was that gruving too much, jolling too much with different girls) but still i stayed with him, 2003 he told me that he had got a girl pregnant, i got devastated, i slowly changed, self-esteem shattered, but still i stayed, 2004 he wantet to pay lobola for me and i let him, but he did not compromised, 2005 he got a job in another town, and i let him go, we saw each other every weekend, but still i had the same problem of finding girlfriends and his gruving lyfstle didnt change and worsens at times, but still i stayed, 2007 we had our second child, some days we are happy but still same problem persisted, and i stayed, 2008 he paid the rest of lobola and we got married in church, i let myself get married but knew i have this problem and knew he doesnt compromise! its 2009 we fight constantly, have found out already he has yet another girlfriend. what do i do?

we are married in comm of prop
financially we have both commited ourselves, wont afford
our fighting is so bad to the extent that i even end up hitting him!
our daughter knows about this and am hurting her
i battle to pretend like everything is ok so i try to speak to him but he sees it as nagging
things are getting worse, he looks at me like i irritate him!
whenever we have a fight he never wants to solve it he only want to go out and dont come back home for the nite.

other than that he is wonderful, he loves his children and 99% there for them and he does everything for them.

i still want our marriage to work, i went for counselling alone, he went alone now its time we went together, all of the sudden he does not want to!

i still want us to work but i just cant take tthis anymore! how do i stop loving him and wanting him and thinking about him, if i could be able to pretend that he does not exist anymore...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Isn't i wise to get to know each other REALLY well before having a child ? And someone who grooves and jols with others all the time has no intention of being faithful or even reliable towards you. In terms of our African traditions, isn't lobola meant to be, to represent, much more than just a financial transaction ? He seems to have no respect for it. COuld you persuade him to join you in marriage counselling, to see if things can be improved, even if he sees it mainly as dealing with whatever problem he experiences with you --- any good counsellor will deal with everything that's relevant

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bozo | 2009/03/03

What I cant believe , in spite of his infidility background you still have unprotected sex with him, What is wrong with you????

Reply to Bozo
Posted by: J | 2009/02/25

Jane' s right - I couldn' t have said it better.

Reply to J
Posted by: Jane | 2009/02/25


I always tell people like you that it is better to hurt yourself rather than being hurt by someone else.
Your hubby will never change no matter how much you can try my darling.
It is very painful to end the relationship with someone you love but I think it is better to leave and hurt yourself rather than to be hurt every day.
If he really loves his children why is he doing this to them?
It is never too late my darling to start over.

Reply to Jane

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