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Question
Posted by: Kinsey | 2005/11/24

My sex life is going down the drain.......

So here's the story:

We met a few years ago. The sex was O.K, and I really liked her. We moved in together and got married.

Before moving in, she got pregnant. But before she could see her doctor a second time, she miscarried. We continued with the marriage though.......but this was just the beginning.

Naturally, nothing was the same after that. She was non-willing to be giving in bed, and had all sorts of medical issues > (none of which were ever resolved or properly diagnosed. They just 'went away' by themselves)

Her labido was still dormant > but in her efforts to re-ignite the spark, she suggested we try some swinging. Which she liked- for a bout 5 minutes. I on the other hand, LOVED IT.

So that lasted about a minute.

Fine, I say: lets move on.

However, our sex life hasn't. Im 30, she's 27. And when we do have sex, its nothing that I can get excited about. She's unhappy with her body and her career. When she leaves the house, my blood preasure drops 20-30 points. She's not the person that I found 4 years ago. I love her, but this is starting to become a major issue in MY life. Going on without sex- without being able to even talk to other woman in front of my wife (she hates when other woman talk to me), and not being satisfied at least one bit is only making things worse.

I need suggestions.........................fast...............

K.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I look at the time of your e-mail, and I see that you are losing sleep over this problem. So I have to read between the lines, and I can see relationship issues, communication problems, unresolved hurt and pain and the symptom of all of this is your sex lives. Sex is not your problem, it's just the symptom of the rest of your marriage. If you want to "fix" the sex life, you are going to have to do some serious relationship & marriage counselling. Contact a FAMSA offcie near you or if in JHB write to me and I will forward you info on our "7 weeks to bettter sex" relationship program, write to em at disa@icon.co.za

E Mc

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cacilia | 2015/09/17

Good day everybody am here to share my life testimony to you all and to those time of life you think everything has end no, there is always a way out, my life is an example of that, my name is Cacilia am from USA but i work here in UK and i have been in a relationship for 4years now i sacrifice my life my money to make sure it work out and to have a happy family with my boyfriend a time comes when my boyfriend lost his job i stand to make sure he never lack anything and i fight for him to get a new job and have our wedding planed few weeks ago my boyfriend got a good job and i was so happy for him and we where happy together again last week i was at the eatery when i say my boyfriend with a girl eating and having fun i thought it was a friend or something when i got home i ask my boyfriend who was that girl you where with at the eatery today he said she is a friend at work i said ok little did i know that she is a girl that want to rip where she did not soar i try to talk it over with my boyfriend but he refuse and told me he want to end our relationship that he have a new girl in his life now, i could not get myself i thought it was a joke he left me in the house for days i try calling him but refuse to pick my call and send me a text and told me is over i cried and cried a man i labored for now is time for me to have a peace of mind a go-digger want to take what belongs to me i report him to his friends and he still don't want to let go i was diver-stated and confuse so i was looking for advise in the internet when i saw a testimony of a woman dr wakina help i say to my self i want to be happy again like this woman i give it a try and contact him on his website and told him my problem and he assure me that everything we be fine again and i believe him after 3days my boyfriend came home and kneel down and beg me to forgive him i was so surprise right now we are back together and happy and even fix a date for our wedding i thank you Dr wakina for making me a happy woman again contact him today and you we also share a good story like me his email address is wakinaspellhome@yahoo.com or his website http://drwakinaspellhome.webs.com also call him on his mobile number +2348168232724 and you we testify like me.

Reply to cacilia
Posted by: cacilia | 2015/09/17

Good day everybody am here to share my life testimony to you all and to those time of life you think everything has end no, there is always a way out, my life is an example of that, my name is Cacilia am from USA but i work here in UK and i have been in a relationship for 4years now i sacrifice my life my money to make sure it work out and to have a happy family with my boyfriend a time comes when my boyfriend lost his job i stand to make sure he never lack anything and i fight for him to get a new job and have our wedding planed few weeks ago my boyfriend got a good job and i was so happy for him and we where happy together again last week i was at the eatery when i say my boyfriend with a girl eating and having fun i thought it was a friend or something when i got home i ask my boyfriend who was that girl you where with at the eatery today he said she is a friend at work i said ok little did i know that she is a girl that want to rip where she did not soar i try to talk it over with my boyfriend but he refuse and told me he want to end our relationship that he have a new girl in his life now, i could not get myself i thought it was a joke he left me in the house for days i try calling him but refuse to pick my call and send me a text and told me is over i cried and cried a man i labored for now is time for me to have a peace of mind a go-digger want to take what belongs to me i report him to his friends and he still don't want to let go i was diver-stated and confuse so i was looking for advise in the internet when i saw a testimony of a woman dr wakina help i say to my self i want to be happy again like this woman i give it a try and contact him on his website and told him my problem and he assure me that everything we be fine again and i believe him after 3days my boyfriend came home and kneel down and beg me to forgive him i was so surprise right now we are back together and happy and even fix a date for our wedding i thank you Dr wakina for making me a happy woman again contact him today and you we also share a good story like me his email address is wakinaspellhome@yahoo.com or his website http://drwakinaspellhome.webs.com also call him on his mobile number +2348168232724 and you we testify like me.

Reply to cacilia
Posted by: cacilia | 2015/09/17

Good day everybody am here to share my life testimony to you all and to those time of life you think everything has end no, there is always a way out, my life is an example of that, my name is Cacilia am from USA but i work here in UK and i have been in a relationship for 4years now i sacrifice my life my money to make sure it work out and to have a happy family with my boyfriend a time comes when my boyfriend lost his job i stand to make sure he never lack anything and i fight for him to get a new job and have our wedding planed few weeks ago my boyfriend got a good job and i was so happy for him and we where happy together again last week i was at the eatery when i say my boyfriend with a girl eating and having fun i thought it was a friend or something when i got home i ask my boyfriend who was that girl you where with at the eatery today he said she is a friend at work i said ok little did i know that she is a girl that want to rip where she did not soar i try to talk it over with my boyfriend but he refuse and told me he want to end our relationship that he have a new girl in his life now, i could not get myself i thought it was a joke he left me in the house for days i try calling him but refuse to pick my call and send me a text and told me is over i cried and cried a man i labored for now is time for me to have a peace of mind a go-digger want to take what belongs to me i report him to his friends and he still don't want to let go i was diver-stated and confuse so i was looking for advise in the internet when i saw a testimony of a woman dr wakina help i say to my self i want to be happy again like this woman i give it a try and contact him on his website and told him my problem and he assure me that everything we be fine again and i believe him after 3days my boyfriend came home and kneel down and beg me to forgive him i was so surprise right now we are back together and happy and even fix a date for our wedding i thank you Dr wakina for making me a happy woman again contact him today and you we also share a good story like me his email address is wakinaspellhome@yahoo.com or his website http://drwakinaspellhome.webs.com also call him on his mobile number +2348168232724 and you we testify like me.

Reply to cacilia
Posted by: NautyG | 2005/11/24

Lista, I did say easier said than done, as you all know, I'm 24, my son is 4, what YOU ALL DON'T KNOW YET is that I was married to the father of my son, young I was (still am), but I have been through a painfull divorce, only to lose my ex husband and father of my child to a sudden illness 5 months after the divorce, so I know about hurt, loss, legalties, lawyers, courts and so on, my divorce went through the high court, as you know, it becomes a sticky situation, costs are unbelievable - I could've had those fake boobs by now! Anyway, what I'm trying to say is no matter how difficult it may seem, let go, one can only hold on IF THERE IS SOMETHING TO HOLD ON TO. What doesn't make sense though is I give my all, whole heartedly and my man didn't appreciate that (the one after the ex) we split up two weeks ago, and then there are woman like your wives and you men hold on till the bitter end? Should I become a selfish, deceitfull, unfaithfull partner to get loyalty? Never can do that - just not me. Maybe oneday! If all else fails - start over!

Reply to NautyG
Posted by: Lista | 2005/11/24

NaughtyG sometimes I so wish it was that easier to let go and move on. sometimes the ramifications are preventative like legalities an so foth

Reply to Lista
Posted by: Lista | 2005/11/24

thankx Kinsey for asking this question. And more thanx to you Doc for the advice. I so wish there could be a better way to resolve these marriage and relationship issues to regain best sex life ever. I am in tears. Most damaging to a sex life and marriage are issues of trust. I know my wife has a man she is busy with. when at work she connects with either telephonically, email or msn chat. i know it took me using shady ways of finding out. i therefore can not raise it with her. i used to sooth myself with mastabathing now i no longer do. i used to think of quiting the marriage i no longer do. i used to think of finding a misstress i no longer do. i am trapped in deep thoughts about life, my life, its worth.

i know for sure i am a great lover and a very supportive and goodhearted husband - i want to ease everybody's life at home where possible wash dishes do most of the household chores. but now i have lost motivation and i care, its not like i do not care but have lost my energy, drive, ambitions. i am looking for work very very far away but i have not got even a drive to i so wish i could go back to my mother's womb or sleep for a very long long time and wake up to find that she is not there (in my life) and i can be a happy bachelor or in a very fulfilling loving and caring marriage. it hurts so bad.

i wish therapy or marriage counselling could help easily and quicker becaous even when you go through it bank accounts and medical aids run dry and help just takes long to come to reality. it is terrible. life sometimes sux like my sex life, marriage life. the story of my life.

Reply to Lista
Posted by: NautyG | 2005/11/24

Is love enough? No. Move on - leave her and all her petty issues, we all have issues, but it's how we handle them that counts, she is obviously not taking you into consideration, her issues are ruling her life, you may not talk to other woman - PLEASE. Nothing pisses me off more than insecurity and possesiveness. I get jealous too, but one needs to distinguish between innocent actions and threatening actions. She gets jealous but yet she can't satisfy you? What does she want? Who is on her list of priority's? Herself or you two equally? Too many issues, and with the swinging, I can tell you she resents you and maybe even herself for that. If you have hope to sort it out, there are many factors that need attention, there are changes to be made from both of you, sacrifices, compramise, you both need to work on yourselves as individuals and then on the relationship, it's a long road and not an easy one, I'm not one to just give up, but will the medal be worth the race? Think about it, make it decision and act upon it!

Reply to NautyG

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