Posted by: Happy | 2004/11/17

My relationship

First I want to say I know all relationships takes work, that's how it is in reality but I've got something nagging at me.

my boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties. Communication is very open between us - we're very honest with each other. we see each other regularly and we've been together almost a year now. We're both still students but not the "jolling" type at all all. (By that meaning we do have fun and go out but we don't get drunk at every opportunity and try to break a new world record of one-night stands... anyway...)

I just want to make absolutely sure that this is normal. We tend to bicker about the smallest things - and it mostly turns out to be the same things. I tend to push things too far and he tends to want to escape too soon - we've talked about that too. The thing is I come from a family where we immediately discussed disagreements (not always peaceful - we're a passionate lot when the mood strikes us, guess it's the italian blood ;) :p ) So I'm used to discussing things. In his family they tended to avoid any disagreements or problems.

It doesn't take a genius to see where our problem lies. I do try not to push things but I also tend to panic and I'm a very emotional person so when I get started it usually takes a while for me to be able to stop again and that's when I push things when I know I should drop it.

I'm scared that on the long run these arguments will push him away. He's a patient man that's part of why I love him so much. But I'm a lot to handle and I know it. Small things upset me, I get emotional very easily and can stress about anything so what's your verdict? Am I just overreacting again? how can we handle this better? or is it just another normal part of relationships?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Happy, sounds pretty normal to me. and an illustration of the way ou personal styles of communicating and of dealing with potential problems, tend to be shaped by our family and cultural backgrounds. The important thing is that bopth of you are aware, intelligent, concerned, and communicating. You probably both have different styles in dancing, but manage fine to dance together without falling over each other's feet. So let it be with communicating and problem-solving. And on your side, be as volatile as culture and upbringing propose, but don't keep stressing about things so heavily --- THAT is not culturally appropriate. The more volatile cultures tend to let off steam then simmer down, rather than brooding afterwards.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Foxy | 2004/11/17

Sounds like I wrote that message, cause that is how my boyfriend and I used to be, hes 28 Im 22 and he has a lot more experience in the dating field than I have with that I mean he is my first boyfriend and hes experienced it all, so I used to get upset about the tiniest things, and honestly I still do, but I have learned to control myself,because I know if I carry on the way I do, I WILL lose him even if he loves me so much. He is only human and no human is perfect but arguing about little things really arent worth it, focus on making each moment you spend together worth it, time doesnt stand still, and anything can go wrong.
Love each other with your faults and life will be easier and more bearable.

Reply to Foxy
Posted by: Carol | 2004/11/17

I have seen the same thing with my 20 yr old daughter and her ex boyfriend ...

And this is what I told her .

U are both still very young .. dont try to change each other and dont get yr knickers in a knot about anything .. if u cannot change a situation let it be or move on .

You arent very specific about what u are arguing about , but if u think about it its probably small petty things ... ?? am I right.

Aceept each other the way u are .. u cant change each other ...and u need to learn to handle stress .. remember life and relationships is about YOU ... deal with your issues and u will be a happier young lady. If he has issues its his problem . dont make them yours.

It also sounds as if u could possibly be analysing things to death .. try not too .. concentrate on yr studies and enjoy yr boyfriend .. he is yr friend not your sparring partner .

Have fun .. life is an adventure , make yours a great adventure .

Reply to Carol

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