Posted by: TT | 2009/10/08

MY new boyfriend

Hi, i was separated for amost a year and my divorce went though end of july. i met a new boyfriend about 3 weeks ago. his wife past away during may this year.

do think he is ready to date? he mention her sometimes . on tuesday he went to pay some medical bill and the clinic were she always went , and he came out crying. he said it reminded her because she is always went when she was sick and she passed away

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Our expert says:
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WHy do you feel you need to rush right into another relatonship ? You are only recently out of your divorce, and he is still in bereavement from the loss of his wife. Like all rebound relationships, there are higher risks that relationships formed when either or both of a couple are still wounded from a preceding loss, will fail and may end unhapilly. Maybe at this time he would like a entirely platonic friend, but dating, probably not. Indeed, it is easy for a bereaved spouse to feel guilty at dating and enjoying himself so soon after such a major loss. Give it time.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wise Owl | 2009/10/08

Sorry for both of you. You have both been through life changing events and even though you may feel that you are better off, there are still very deep emotional wounds that will take time to heal. You BF is in a completely differnt emotional zone and his healing will have to take its own course. No one can put a time frame on it unfortunately, but both of you HAVE to actively work through your trauma. You must not just leave it and hope it will sort itself out, it won' t. Professional advice may be order. As the other comment suggest, take it easy.

Reply to Wise Owl
Posted by: almost mad | 2009/10/08

I really dont know. I dont think its right for him to be with you right now as is still grieving and cant possibly be ready to date. You may be meant to be, but this relationship has to start out right, where you two are both ready. I dont think freindship is what you should give him. Maybe just break it off and tell him that you think he needs time still but you would really like to pick it up in a few months.

Reply to almost mad
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/10/08

Shame! I think you should give him some time.
Be there for him as a friend and support him but give him and youself time to really get over your pasts.

Reply to Kelly

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