Our expert says:
If she had such an awful mother that she was desperate enough to marry ( and stay with ) an abuser, to get away from MOm, and that sounds very credible, then she probably never saw a model of how an excellent mother behaves, and may be trying hard to be unlike her mom, without entirely knowing how to do it right.
With an abusive spouse who then suicided, and with two rotter sons, she has hardly lived an easy or happy life.
She may not be ignoring your needs and wishes so much as assuming that these are exactly matching her own.
Yes, you pay for the TV license, but it doesn't cost you one cent more if she watches it all day, while you're out, does it ? I mention that as an illustration hof how you interpret much of what she does as though it costs you extra ( even when it doesnt ) and as though it is deliberately intended to damage you ( when it isn't)
Yes, I wont be holding my breathe until NHI actually provides realistic and quality cover.
Your situation is indeed highly frustrating and irritating - and others have it even worse, with a much more demanding person to care for, and someone far more needy in terms of extra work fro you - I have experience of such situations. Its usually in the end about doing what one knows is the right thing to do, because that's the sort of person you are, and because you'd hate yourself for not doing what's needed
Aleast, you say, she CAN care for herself and do chores and other helpful things, but she needs some supervision from you - that's a whole lot better than someone in her position being unable to do anything whatever for herself.
What your story points out so clearly is that though there are a very few facilities like Communicare that are helpful, provision for the proper and dignified care of the elderly and disabled in South Afric is largely non-existent, and often primitive and crude and unpleasant when any exists. That is a broad disgrace which the communities need to care about and do something positive about. Endless resources are poured ( I know I won't be popular for saying this ) into caring for people with HIV/AIDS which is, to be fair, now largely a viluntary and avoidable condition, and by contrast hardly anything put into the care of so many other illnesses and categories of people needing and deserving care
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