Posted by: SUGARFREE | 2008/10/21


hi there. my mother is having problems and is taking it out on me and the rest of the family. her boyfriend (who none of us like coz he' s always treated her like s*#t), is now threatening to leave her. this would be good, except my mother is under some kind of voodoo spell and can' t see how much he is bringing her down!!! he is very scummy, drinks alot, has cheated on her even. she forgives him each time. she says she can' t live without him and loves him more than life! he puts her down infront of other people, and she just lets him! i can' t stand her being so hurt, and she won' t listen to anyone. she is very depressed too, she cries all the time. she just has tears running down her face all the time!!! this has been going on for +-2 years! he is so nasty to her. and spent all the money she ever had, she now has nothing, not even a home anymore. she is fighting with me for no reason now, she does everytime he threatens to leave her. i can' t help someone who doesn' t want to be helped... so i don' t know what to do. i' m scared coz one day she is going to end up all alone with no money, and no place to live... please can someone give me some advice... x

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So part of the problem isn't that :love is blind", but that nlove is too often blinding. You don't mention the ages of anyone involved. Sounds like this guy is indeed scum, but until your mom realizes that ( which you might encourage GENTLY, as direct confrontation or nagging might only serve to make her still more stubborn ) nothing is likely to change/ MAybe she is Depressed, and has given up on expecting anything better, not recognizing that she deserves better. But as you say, its difficult and often impossible to help someone who refuses to be helped. YOu can best make it clear you want to help, and are there when she sees the light

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Our users say:
Posted by: GP | 2008/10/21

Unfortunately your mom will have to learn the hard way. She should go to councelling, but that will cost money. She has one very good thing in her life right now and that is a caring child like you. Stand by her and support her all you can, even if it is very hard on you - she needs you more than you can realize.

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Posted by: Suganone | 2008/10/21

Your story reminds me a lot of my own, we are blinded by what we think is love.Problem is you can' t tell your mom that, you have to wait until she is ready to have those blinders removed, and believe me she will and that is when she is going to need you most.Just pray for her and try to understand.That happened to me as well, I woke up one morning and said why am I putting up with this crap I don' t need this, I was unemployed and so was he but sponging of me because he knew I had to feed my kids so his bread was buttered. I packed all his stuff and said out!! and you know what I felt a load shift off my shoulders.Freedom, joy and peace.All te best.

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