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Question
Posted by: laventel | 2005/05/24

My man staan my nie by nie

Ag ja ek weet hierdie is n' seks forum maar asb vir wat dit werd is gee asb biejite raad.My swaer 23 bly by ons al 3 maande lankIn die tyd het hy weens nalatigheid(bv laat vir werk ens)sy werke verloor dus tans werkloos.Ek het n' seun 11 uit vorige huwelik en swaer het n' seksuele opmerking gemaak teenoor my seun toe n' vriendin van my se dogter 15 daar gekuier het.Die opmerking het betrekking tot die dogter gehad en gelukkig het sy dit nie gehoor nie.Swaer het ook pornografiese fotos op sy pc vir my seun gewys.Ek vra my man om sy broer aan te spreek en toto verantwoording te roep en dat hy n' tydperk gegge word om werk en losies te vind aangesien my seun se belange vir my eerste kom.My man beweer dat omrede ek die enigste kind is,ek nie weet hoe dit voel om broers te hènie.My man het agv argument oor swaer iets gedoen wat nooit voorheen gedoen het nie nl om in sy kar te klim en na n' jol plek te gaan tot 4 uur die volgende oggend waarna hy motherless dronk tuis gekom het.Wat moet ek doen?Dit is nie my broer nie en ek voel dit is my man se verantwoordelikheid om hom aan te spreek oor sy onaanvaarbare gedrag.Help my asb met advies want soos ek nou voel sal ek my kind vat en uitloop op die huwelik.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/05/24

Lavental, I read your posting on CyberShrink, but didn't realise that this brother-in-law showed your son porn. I wonder if he realises that if you told the cops, he could be arrested? Or if ChildLine was told, they would take the matter further? Your son is underage and very susceptible to these sort of things at the moment, it could influence him in a negative way. The brother must go immediately. Why would he keep his job if he's enjoying porn at leisure at your cost? You should talk to your husband a.s.a.p. and give him an ultimatum - either his brother, or you. But then you must mean it. If he chooses his brother, you must have a place to go to etc. Your duty is to protect your son first, I'd rather have a failed marriage than be a mother who didn't do what's right by her son. By the sound of things, your husband is very immature - when the going gets tough he gets motherless!!!

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Jannie | 2005/05/24

Ek sal jou bystaan.

By staan en bly staan, sal vir jou aksie gee al die pad. Lekker nes jy dit laaik.

Reply to Jannie
Posted by: Punda | 2005/05/24

Laventel,

Moet onder geen omstandighede uit trek nie dit kan ander implikasies teweeg bring . Kry jou man en sy broer gelyktydig bymekaar en praat dan jou hart uit . Jy sal dan sien watter kant jou man se balange is as hy dan nie vir jou op kom nie . Jy kan dan sommer ook vir die broer vertel dat jy hom 'n sekere tyd gee om sy dinge in orde te kry.

Reply to Punda
Posted by: Advice | 2005/05/24

Your husband is being very unfair and selfish in this situation. Ask him to reverse the roles, and if he would tolerate it had it been your brother. He needs to know where his priorities lie and that is with you and your son. He should also have your son's best interest at heart regardless if it is not his son. If this man really loved and cared for you he would see what this is doing to your relationship. I have been in a similar situation where my "inlaws" Husbands brother and wife and kids, lived off us for 3 months without anything towards groceries or rent and they were both working. I also had my say, of how unfair this was and also got told to try and understand what would I do if it was my brother ...etc...etc. Well I gave him an ultamatum. Me and our kids or his brother and his family. You need to be firm, but nice(even though it can be difficult). Tell him his brother has 2 months to find a job and a place to stay or you and your son are moving out and he must decide what it's gonna be. I know its not easy, but sometimes its the only way that you can get through to them. Stick by your word. If you have given him an ultamatum for instance till the end of July and he hasn't made alternative living arrangements or found a job then you will leave till his brother has moved out. Besides what kind of a sick person makes advances on a 15 year old and shows a kid pornographic pictures. This is not healthy for you or your son. I actually don't think I could even trust someone like this with my son. If he is selfishly only thinking of himself and his brothers best interest, then you need to be selfish too and think of whats best mainly for your son and yourself. Hope things work out for you, Good luck !!

Reply to Advice
Posted by: Lara | 2005/05/24

Eerlikwaar dink ek jy moet vir jou man se hy moet jou bystaan en met sy broer praat of jy gaan ander bly plek reelings maak en kyk wat sy reaksie is daar op. Se vir hom jy wil nie jou kind so groot maak onder sulke omstandighede nie. Ek dink dis al wat jy kan doen, wees maar Ferm met hom dat hy kan sien jy is ernstig, want sy broek klink na baie slegte invloed. Sterkte...

Reply to Lara

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