Our expert says:
abc, sounds like you deserve a period of counselling to work on this. Maybe you did make a major mistake 20 years ago ( most of us did ) --- you can't go back and change that decision you made then, for what must have seemed like good reasons then. But you can work on making more fruitful decisions about what to do NOW about the present situation, andn that is where a counsellor can be a great help.
And the movie Fried Green Tomatoes sounds like a good idea, too !
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