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Question
Posted by: J | 2004/11/11

My life is falling apart

When I finally seem that I have one situation under control, I am now suddenly faced with another challenge. I have suspected for a while that my husband is gambling.
For several months I have been the breadwinner, taking care of all finances at home, due to the fact that my husband, with his brother as partner, have embarked on a business opportunity and all of his monies were invested in getting the show up and running.
I relinquished the opportunity to open my own business in order to minimize the risks of not having a stable income, etc. Of course, I am stuck in a job where I am extremely unhappy.
My brother-in-law has advised me that he has kicked my hubby out of the business, because he has accumulated huge debts due to his gambling problem. He has even gone to the extent of banning my husband from the premises.
I am not sure how to deal with this. Do I kick my hubby out ? I am hurt by the lies and deceit.
He has been extremely selfish. I have neglected myself so much, in order to provide the support I thought he needed. My health has deteriorated, as mentioned earlier, mostly due to stress and out of respect for his religion I have engaged in fasting, which has aggravated the ulcer and I also suffering from hypoglycemia.
I am stuck with an addict husband (no income), depressed son and not to mention myself, uncertainty at work, having bipolar disorder for which I am not receiving treatment in medication, or otherwise.
I feel like hitting the bottle, which I have not done for over a month and never felt like I wanted to.
Where do I go from here? If my kids did not need me as much as I know they do, I see no place for me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's no easy answer here, J. Presumably you do at least need to confront him and see what he has to say. You might well decide either to leave him anyway, or to insist that you will do so unless he stops gambling and starts proper treatment for gambling addiction with a good local shrink, and relinquishes control over funds to you, so that he would have no money to gamble with.
Do you know if this pathological gambling is a problem that has only started recently, or a long-standing problem which has only become obvious and revealed lately ? The kids need you and vice versa ; it's a lying, cheating, gambling wastrel who isn't needed by anyone --- dont punish the wrong person !
And don't hit the bottle --- remember, the bottle always hits back !

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2004/11/12

Hi J,
Sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any words of advice but please don't hit the bottle, you have gotten this far without it, you don't need it. I am still struggling with this and know that you have now given me a boost to stop. Know that there are people that care about you so hang in there, I will not say things will get better, but you never know.
Please take care my friend, you are a special person.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: HS | 2004/11/11

J, I am sorry to hear of your situation.
But please remember this, he's been selfish and how the tables do turn (excuse the pun on 'tables'), anyhow it's your turn.
Think about what you want in life - and go for it.
I read a book by an author I can't remember, it's called "feel the fear and do it anyway'. Please read this, it is energising. You need a boost, why not boost him out (that way you're getting rid of the hurt and further debt), then boost yourself by thinking about YOU - for a change!
YOU need you, more than your shildren do, and YOU cannot do the best for you if you don't feel the best.
I hope you can go somewhere quiet at some stage and start remembering what it is that you want, and start making plans.
Pick yourself up, you are precious and you deserve to do the best for you. It's about time.
Good luck!!!!!!!!

Reply to HS

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