Posted by: CHERI | 2006/10/25

my issues

i dont know how to explain this but recently i have moved out of my parents place and moved in with my boyfriend and 3 other people.we all used to be friends before we moved in but now we are constantly fighting and there is so much tension.i have been told that i have issue and need to deal with them,but in my mind i dont see it.the other people that live with me are inconsiderate and rude so i am constantly feel;ing stressed and it is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. please offer any advice
thanking you

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Our expert says:
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Actually living with people is generally so very different from simply knowing them as friends. Sounds like each of you have different expectations of how the others ought to behave. f you still want to live together, you need to meet calmly an sort out a pattern and system that works most of the time for most of you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2006/10/25

It's not easy living together with anyone. I mean even newly wed couples, deeply in love, find it difficult. Everyone has their own ideas about how things should be done. And everyone's tolerance levels are different too.

I think the idea to get your own accommodation is the best one, but it could be possible to work through things with some open and honest chatting. Call a meeting perhaps, and tell these friends that their friendship is important to you, and that you'd like to make things work.

Then as a group decide what types of "rules" you will have as a household and how the breaking of the rules needs to be handled in future. It doesn't have to be a strict agreement, but it will open communication and will also help everyone understand the things that are causing the tension.

Do it without blaming and pointing fingers at any one person. Just state things like "I feel it is inconsiderate not to wash the bath after you have taken a bath" you don't have to mention who the culprit always is. :-)

Good luck! I think you're going to need it!

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: CC | 2006/10/25

Heres an idea - call a house meeting and all sit down and formulate a set of rules together - then everyone knows what is expected of them and how to get along - when a group of people live together it is imperative to have house rules this prevents people irritating each other with the small things which build up into huge issues. Obviously don't go overboard it is after all home to all of you - but all homes require management of some sort and weekly meetings to discuss any problems rationally would also help. Good Luck

Reply to CC
Posted by: ... | 2006/10/25

Why don't you and your boyfriend move out together in your own place and invite your friends over for a bbq to make peace again?

Reply to ...
Posted by: Paris | 2006/10/25

Then perhaps try to speak to them and try in sorting this out but I really think that you are better of getting a place of your own or sharing with someone who's not your friend.

Good luck.

Reply to Paris
Posted by: CHERI | 2006/10/25

thank you for your reply
but until i can make other arrangements i am stuck

Reply to CHERI
Posted by: Paris | 2006/10/25

Hi Cheri,

Did no one warn you before you moved in that you NEVER share a house with your best friend(s) because you will end up enemies.

It happened to me, it happened to my husband's son. Don't ask me why but it just happens. Yes I am sure there are the exceptions, but they are few.

My advice is to get alternative accommodation before you ruin your relationship with your friends and boyfriend.

Good luck.

Reply to Paris

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