Posted by: charms | 2009/08/11

my husband wants a divorce i am asking advise from a non-person....must have hid rock bottom now...or husband told me that he wants to leave me and the kids - i can have everything, he' ll just pack his suitcase and easy? he is accusing me of being too dominant, too over-whelming...not caring anymore. why have i become such a hard, horrible person? been throuhg so much together - is it worth giving up - but is if worth fighting for any longer? when is enough just that - enough? i don' t know if i love him anymore, bu tthen i have given up on the whole love-concept - in the end we just have to fight the battles and get on with life?
we lost a little girl 13 years ago in a drowning accident, then we sold his family farm 3 years ago, now he does not work anymore, and i do....i know he feels useless - but how can i make him feel different? he is depressed most of the i making any sense?

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Our expert says:
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You are not now, never were, nor ever will be, a non-person. Though I imagine it may feel like that to you. It's sadly common that families which have experienced a traumaic bereavement often later undergo significant conflict, too. Marriage counselling can he;p a lot, but it sounds as though your husband had decided to avoid that and just leave --- maybe a sudden decision or maybe one he brooded about for longer, without discussing it with you ? Sounds like there were many elements here --- that loss, then the loss of the family farm, then his loss of his work. He could very well be depressed, and could respond really well to treatment, but would need to be persuaded to see a good local psychiatrist for assessment and treatment advice. I would worry about a risk of suicide, too, if he remains untreated, as he could have a cumulative sense of helpless and failure.

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Our users say:
Posted by: charms | 2009/08/12

i have had no choice as to become the stronger one in our relationship -just to make sure that there isfood on the table and that we at least have some normality in our has come to this that if i don' t make a decision, no decisions will be made. what should i do? when are you dominating and controlling and when are you just making sure things are getting done?

Reply to charms
Posted by: XXX | 2009/08/12

He needs to firstly understand that he has a problem and therefore go for help.If he refuses to do this then you will have to make some tough decisions.
Make sure though that you in fact are NOT dominant etc.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: charms | 2009/08/11

thanks for your response - you are so right, he is depressed, but refuses to admit it, he' s been on meidcation a couple of years ago, but stopped it about a year ago. i need a shrink to get him to go to a shrink! he rejects any advise i give, saying that i am just once again wanting to control him - and yes, i am sure he' s planned his exit route for a long time, because he' s got everything sorted out...just forgot to discuss it with, do i just let him go, or try and convince him to stay?

Reply to charms
Posted by: Rick | 2009/08/11

Im so sad for you, cant you try some councelling to get some perspective? Maybe if your hubby is depressed the doc can prescribe some anti depressants for him.


Reply to Rick

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