Posted by: Marissa Coetzee | 2012/10/24

My husband is not interested in having sex with

My husband((39) and I(29) have only been married a year and we have a little girl who is 8, but since coming back from honeymoon we go 2 months and longer without having sex. I have tried talking to him about it, but he gets mad. He is a bit overweight but this has never bothered me. We dont have more stress than most other people out there. I have tried everything, from wearing sexy underwear, getting us alone for a weekend, straight out asking for it, leaving hints etc. I dont think I am unattractive, I am not a needy wife and we get along great. He has blamed not having sex on work, financial issues, his weight etc. but I dont believe any of his excuses anymore. I wanted to go see someone but he cancelled the appointment. I know he is not having an affair and he says he loves me, just dont feel it anymore. I have even asked him to take something to help get his drive back, but he wont. I am on the verge of leaving him but still love him. I dont know what to do anymore

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

your husband could be having testosterone deficiency syndrome and needs to be investigated for this and other related conditions
please encourage him to get his screening tests done as this will exclude other important medical conditions

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Louise | 2012/10/30

I have the same problem. My husband is 37 years of age and if we have sex once every 1 - 2 weeks, it''s alot. We are very affectionate to each other, don''t have kids or distractions. But if we are away on holiday, we have sex every other day. I don''t get it. His job is not stressful, he has no weight issues (neither do I). I know he has the sex drive, or we wouldn''t have sex so often on holiday. I think that he prefers to masturbate, but when we do have sex, he says how great it is. Very confused...

Reply to Louise
Posted by: Ditto | 2012/10/26

I know the feeling, my husband is also not that interested in sex anymore. I cant even remember when last we had sex this year! I am also the one who has to instigate sex and the last time we had sex we didn''t even climax... so I dont bother anymore. He also constantly tells me he loves me, but ja, the lack of sex &  passion in our marriage is disturbing...

Reply to Ditto
Posted by: Undertaker | 2012/10/25

It the previous remark a cultural one? ED seems like a possible cause reading about his stressful job ,money problems etc. That could explain why he has no interest in sex.

Reply to Undertaker
Posted by: Mphoza | 2012/10/25

Rape him!!

Reply to Mphoza
Posted by: Anon | 2012/10/25

Maybe he has erection problems and dont want to tell you because he is feeling ashamed?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Mark | 2012/10/25

Leaving him might be a little harsh.Maybe a hypnotist might be able to get to the problem. There can be an underlying cause that he is scared/ashamed to divulge to you. The age difference can also contribute as a man is past his peak and starting to experience a diminished sex drive. Most of all , what he needs now is your support . Who knows , maybe he surprizes you and opens up .

Reply to Mark
Posted by: K | 2012/10/24

Or get a lover...

Reply to K
Posted by: Chris758 | 2012/10/24

I am also a little overweight(comes with age!) but that does not take my sex drive away. The fact that you still want to make love to him and to be loved by him is something that he should cherish. So many men do not have that luxury in life anymore!!

Usually it is the woman that does not want sex anymore and if you decide, even if it is going to be hard for you, to keep it from him, he will quickly change his attitude!! Just do not ask him or try to convince the silent game!! He will come around!!

Reply to Chris758
Posted by: hubby | 2012/10/24

Maak -|- ak dalk kan ek jou leiding gee

Reply to hubby
Posted by: XXX | 2012/10/24

There must surely be something that is causing this.He needs to see either a dr or sexologist rather soon.
Many things can cause this,for example,alcohol,drugs,stress,lack of self esteem,lack of physical attraction to your partner etc etc.
The lack of sex must be driving you up the wall,you will have to be tough with him.Tell him that you need/want regular sex with HIM and some specialist help is imperative.
Good luck,sex is " not"  important in a relationship when it is good BUT very important when it is bad

Reply to XXX

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.