Our expert says:
havent actually had a lie-down yet, but am certainly looking forward to it ! hard to tell in advance whether marriage counselling would help --- but if he says he loves you, as well as saying he hates you, he's ambivalent enough for something to need to get sorted out. If he won't participate, then at least personal, individual counseling should help you to work out the best way to protect and sustain yourself. Don't rush to assume that because he at times says he feels hatred for you, that this means that you are in any way hateful --- such remarks tell us much about him, and little or nothing about you. Husbanding isn't something you do or take, but someting you do together, and if in some way it isnt working, he must be at least as much responsible as you., probably more.
If a divorce does end up as the result, again, work with a counsellor to enhance your strength and support --- it need not damage you, and could enable you to move on towards happier times
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