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Question
Posted by: Screwed up | 2006/07/18

My Husband Hates me

CS, Firstly, sorry about my last post that was so long, Did you go lie down? LOL

Today is even worse. Last night he told me he hates me. It cuts through my heart.
You suggest marriage counceling. Do you think its worth a try if your husband hates you? Right after that he tells me he loves me.
Gosh, what am I supposed to believe. I believed the look in his eyes. the look of Hate.

I feel very emotionally abused. I feel tired and drained. On the one hand I dont want to loose him (or what once was), on the other hand I dont want to feel like this anymore.
I have made an appointment at famsa, they can only help me 14 Aug. I am afraid, that is just way to late. My husband will not go, I know that. I dont know if we will still be together then. Things are just too bad between us.
I cry so much. I cry myself asleep, i cry myself awake. It takes all I have to keep me from crying at work.
I wonder how bad must I be for him to hate me? I feel like the worst person on earth. he says he hates me because I do not take him as my husband. I have only done my best. I think he feels that way because he does not want to be my husband.
I think we are heading for a divorce. I am so scared what it will do to me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

havent actually had a lie-down yet, but am certainly looking forward to it ! hard to tell in advance whether marriage counselling would help --- but if he says he loves you, as well as saying he hates you, he's ambivalent enough for something to need to get sorted out. If he won't participate, then at least personal, individual counseling should help you to work out the best way to protect and sustain yourself. Don't rush to assume that because he at times says he feels hatred for you, that this means that you are in any way hateful --- such remarks tell us much about him, and little or nothing about you. Husbanding isn't something you do or take, but someting you do together, and if in some way it isnt working, he must be at least as much responsible as you., probably more.
If a divorce does end up as the result, again, work with a counsellor to enhance your strength and support --- it need not damage you, and could enable you to move on towards happier times

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