Posted by: Worried | 2009/03/21

My hubby' s libido

About three years ago, my husband found out that I was very close to a male colleague of mine through an sms I had sent. The closeness was not a relationship of any nature other than friendship. Our marriage went thru a rocky phase after that until we made up after a lot counselling by family, friends, etc and my reassurances that there was nothing untowrd I was doing with my colleague. But since he discovered this, his libido has gone down. He is very healthy and really takes care of himself. Now he struggles to make or maintain an erection. I try all sorts of things to get him aroused. If he does get aroused, he quickly loses erection. I noticed however that in the mornings he wakes up erect and some nights he even gets wet dreams. Is there anything I can do to return our sex life to what it was before the incident?

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Our expert says:
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Our users say:
Posted by: Wadda think babe ? | 2009/03/23

Your little SMS escapade is more than enough to give hubby a roaring slack. Each time he thinks about the SMS and what MIGHT have happened between you two suddenly becoimes reality when you become lovey dovey, hence Mr Limp. Having " friends"  of the opposite sex and SMSing them is NOT a good idea when you are married. What were you thinking ?

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Posted by: Cubershrink | 2009/03/21

( the real Cybershrink responding, from a Telkom store, during my shopping expedition )
If the problems are complex, it' s best to get a professional counsellor, eg through FAMSA.
Now, the erectile dysfunction ( ED) should be soluble, but best have him see a urologist first to check up whether there are any physical problems needing to be attended to ( for instance, someone may develop diabetes, causing erection problems, without realising it ) The fact that he has early morning erections is a good sign that the plumbing is probably in good working order.
A man is also a sensitive character, and after even one failure, anxiety anticipating further failures can in fact cause further failures, and so on.

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