Posted by: sunflower | 2008/07/30

my heart sinks?

Dear CS,

I have another small problem. Most of the time i' m an independent woman and i get alot of attention from men but sometimes it feels like a curse. i ALWAYS attract men who think i' m beautiful. i mean i get told i' m pretty all the time so i' m not insecure about my looks. but the thing is that' s all that happens. men either think i' m cute or they want to just " do me"  as one of them put it once.

everytime i meet someone who is starting a new relationship or getting married i get so sad. i don' t understand, there are other things happening in my life so why do i feel sooooo bad when other people tell me their good news? why can' t i just be normal and secure in myself the way i normally was. i feel like i' m just going through a rough patch because its not like me to feel this way.

but it really hurts when i see people with real intimacy because i don' t know if i ever had that. why can' t i just attract someone who likes me for me and not only looking at my body. ok i know that is a question that can only be answered with patience but then why all of a sudden am i feeling sad and insecure instead of being patient until the right man comes along?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your distress on seeing others being happy probably expresses a fear on your part that for some reason you WON'T experience that sort of happiness, so its related to a sort of low self-esteem. And it is a problem I have often seen in atractive people, that they fear people see only their looks and not their whole personality ( rather like rich people fear that its only really their money that you likek when you're friendly to them ). See a good local counsellor, especially of the CBT type, to explore this sort of issue and find ways to feel more confident

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Mwila | 2008/07/30

In time you will be fine, and realise that you cannot measure your success with the others because you don' t know what path they took to get to where they are. The whole, " you' re beautiful and have a nice body"  thing has happed to me too. My friends are either married, engaged or pregnant (I' m 27 and single with no kids). At first I was under pressure. Then I reconnected with the inner me, made everything about me and learned to enjoy spending time with myself. I said, with my self- not alone, or by myself.

You need to search inside you and find the thing that makes you, unique and worthy. Find peace in being you, appreciate yourself and all the greatness that you feel will exude in you. Then people will sense it and feel it, then you' ll attract the right things and right people in your life. I' ts all about how you feel about yourself. You have to be happy with you first, no one can make you happy.

Reply to Mwila
Posted by: jen | 2008/07/30

Same thing used to happen to me a few years ago - I have a nice body and used to dress to show it of as well. I got alot of attention from men as well with exactly the same responses as you. I started dressing down but still sexy and somehow it gave me more confidence in my life and relationships - knwing that guys are not just interested in my body but my personality as well

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