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Question
Posted by: LG | 2005/12/07

My Heart is Broken!

Please can you give me some advice:

I've been with a truly amazing person for six years. He was 17 and I was 18 when we started going out. He is everything I could hope for in a man - he has such a good heart.

We moved in with each other in May 2004. We were very happy and in love. From June this year things started going wrong. He wanted to go overseas for two years to work and experience it. I knew it had been a very goal of his - and I was very supportive, but the two year factor got me really down. He wanted me to wait for him and be together when he got back. I told him this was not on - I thought he would go for six months at the most. So we compromised and he was happy to go for one month - I was so happy. He got very depressed and in Oct 05 he moved out. Since he has been on his own he has watched Porn movies, allowed his landlords to smoke dagga just outside his place and has been so distant. We constantly tried to make things work, but I didn't see him or hear from him nearly as much as I wanted to. This weekend I found playboys under his bed and I had had it - I stormed out and sent him an sms breaking up with him. Now I feel totally miserable. All along I thought he just wasn't that kind of guy and he has tried to tell me that curiosity just got the better of him. He won't speak to me - we left on such bad terms! He has written me a letter and has probably posted it so I'm dying to know what it says. I'm not a patient person so this waiting is making me insane.

I still love him and if he is sorry for looking at that junk I will take him back in a heartbeat.

What do I do in the meantime - he was everything to me! My friends know what has happened but they have not offered any kind of support. I am sick and tired of feeling so lonely. I'm young and attractive but don't have anyone to go places with.

Help!


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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

While I understand your motives, especially in not wanting to be left Waiting for 2 years, it's hardly surprising that he has responded in this way --- and it's not a question of discovering that he was "like this" --- all that you describe sounds pretty darn normal.
As Synic says, you two started this relationship when very young, and without much, if any, experience of other relatonships or knowledge of other people. It may not have ben your intention, but it sounds as though you trampled on his Dreams, and spoiled them for him so no wonder he feels hurt.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Sideways | 2005/12/07

Find some glue. He needs to be set free, if he comes back good if not you will have no doubt moved on. God belss.

Reply to Sideways
Posted by: Dude | 2005/12/07

if uz so ot en y uz botherin bout a perception of someone oo aint wot ee eez in uz ead ...

iz don see no problem wif em play boys anyways ... it probably threatens uz cause em bitches r really easy 2 wack dong ova ... maybe uz shud jus move on wif uz life, y don u go overseas an open uz eyes a bit ...

also if ee is allowin eez oo eva 2 smoke weed, ee az probably discovered the joy ov ben stoned an might not contact uz again due 2 eez newly found love ... this shud not b 2 much of a cause 4 concern as it is often misunderstood as a steppin stone 2 eroin ... iz ben wacked 4 a decade an ave yet 2 flat line on somethin like that ...

u probably restricted eem 4 so long that now that uz gone eez gonna rock on in a free word ... u shud eitha do the same or go see uz preacher ... woteva gets uz going jus do it babe ... iz wud b perfectly appy to shag young beauties oo don ave no one 2 go out wif ... so temptin 4 an evil male wif a giant dong ...

fight the urge ... aaaaahhhh! fight ....

f*k it ...

Reply to Dude
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/07

You probably dont want to hear this, but you guys met young, and have gone through a lot of maturing and growing up. Unfortunately growing up at this age is a personal thing, and there is no guarantee that you will both greow up in the same directions. You are different people, and your needs will change with time.

Many relationships that start young end up in broken heart break ups. We change, and our partners change too, until one day we realise we are on different sides of the road.

You do not approve of the changes he has gone through, but this is the way he is now, which is not who he was a couple of months or years ago. This is not to say you should leave him and not love him. Just understand that what you are experiencing is normal, and in many cases inevitable. If you can handle the changes he is going through, and can wait for things to get better maybe in the future, then go for it.

You fel empty because a major portion of your life has been shared with him, he is in a sense your other half, and losing him would mean almost losing a chuck of your own identity. Not easy.

You are attractive, still young, and still have a huge stunning life ahead of you. plenty of opportunity, plenty. And you dont have to be lonely, you are lonely now because the man you love is so "distant". Some will slate me for this, but he is not the only man in the world for you to love, or for you to be loved by.

I will write some more just now, need to quickly get some work done.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Synic | 2005/12/07

If I'm right you are now 24 ? You started a very serious relationship very early. You've had no experience in how other people in a relationship will treat you and I can tell you what I thought at 18 then at 24 etc... what I did and experience yes being in love and living with somebody and being totaly alone and just having friends... going home to an empty house and not having somebody that I can share my most intimate feelings with they make you a stronger person and even though my morals never changed my ideas about certain things have.... so now you are on your own have a blast you are only 24 once in your life and if you are so attractive you really shouldn't have a problem finding a new boyfriend if that is what you are looking for.

Reply to Synic

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