Posted by: Helena of Troy | 2005/12/05

My Grandfather.

My mother has been nursing him for the last 3 years as he refuses to go into an old age home. She sees it as her duty because he's her father. Nothing can change this.

He's heart and mind is strong. He's become so week he wets the bed and poo's in the bed. She has to feed him. Every 2 hours at night she must get up for him. The other day I was there I could hardly hold him so she could wash his back I do not know how she does it.

She's taken his pistol away he tried to shoot himself but his fingers are to swollen to go into the opening and he's sleeping tablets away from him. She's exhausted. He refuses to get a maid or a nurse.

He is 85 and she is 62. No hospital will take him because he's not sick he's just week.

Surely there must be something one can do ? Or leave my mother to suffer as she sees it to be her job. She cannot visit any of her children or grandchildren and holidays and chrismas is just spent with him.

Any ideas ?

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Our expert says:
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Its of course not at all reasonable of him to try to forbid her to get help from a maid or nurse. Wat would happen if she went ahead and got at least a maid to help her share the workload ? What if, as Fristy suggests, she got a maid to help her by doing everything else, and still reducing her workload ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/05

Hi HoT! First of all, how are you today? What are the latest developments with your relationship?

Okay, my suggestion for your grandfather is this. Your Mom doesn't have to get someone in to help with him, but what about getting someone to do the housework for her. That will at least ease that burden. Then she can devote herself to your grandfather.

I know how she feels as I nursed my mother for two years when she had her brain tumours and cancer, and I held down a full time job. But, I felt it was my duty and I was happy to do it, so I know exactly how your mother feels. I would not do it any differently if I was given another chance.

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Posted by: «Parab☻la»™ | 2005/12/05

My grandfather recently passed away to chronic heart disease.

We also had to hide away his guns, and lock all the cabinets.

The thing is, he spent all day trying to find a way to end it. He would roam around the house looking for pills, or a rope, or anything that he could take his own life with.

The ironic thing was, that his obsession to find something to kill himself with kept him alive longer. It became his last dying mission.

Eventually my mother put him to bed one night and told him that tonight he would sleep peacefully, and it would be the last night he would ever dream, and that tomorrow would become an eternal dream, and he would never have to worry about anything ever again.

He died peacefully that night.

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