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Question
Posted by: Boogy Babe | 2004/09/28

MY FRIEND SLEPT WITH MY MAN-HOW DO I 4GIVE HER?

I have this friend whom i used to discuss every little detail of my life with her. We shared everything. We spoiled each other in every way like going for lunch, buying presents for each other, until one day she messed everything.

I had this boyfriend whom i loved very much. All of a sudden the guy started behaving badly.As i took that lady as a friend i would normaly go to her tell her that yester my guy did this and that. Until one day the guy phoned me told me he has decided to end up the relationship.

As usual with my big mouth, i went to her i needed a shoulder to cry on and explained my pain.Unfortunately for her she left her cell with me and i was trying to send an sms when an incoming sms came in and i press the read button by mistake. It was my guy telling confirming to her that he dumped me. I confronted her thats when she confessed they have been dating.

I told her to get out of my life and made sure i cut communication with her. Now she is busy phoning me that she misses my friendship.HOW DO U FORGIVE SUCH A BETRAYER???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

BB, I dont see why you should feel you need to forgive her. Refuse to accept any calls from her, and hang up if she catches you unexpectedly. She has betrayed the very essence of your relationship and is not worth trusting again. Move on.

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Our users say:
Posted by: tebogo | 2004/09/28

I agree with Inc forgive her and move on but dont pursue the friendship. Once beaten twice shy remember.

A good friend will come along one day ontspan and enjoy life.


Reply to tebogo
Posted by: Sassy | 2004/09/28

Forgive them both. I know that is a difficult thing to do because of the pain they've caused you but carring the anger and hurt will only kill you inside. Forgiveness is a wonderful way for finding inner peace.

Reply to Sassy
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/09/28

You should be glad you are rid of your ex - won't be surprised if he indeed went to hell for the way he treated other people (cheating, deceiving, lying etc.).

Forgive your friend and move on - you won't need enemies with friends like that around. A true friend is someone you could trust, unlike this one.

Reply to Kernel
Posted by: Boogybabe | 2004/09/28

The sad part is, i carried a grudge for both of them and the guy was involved in an accident and died.I dont like grugdes but i hate her. I hated her and blamed myself for the death of the guy because the day he died he send an email to tell me he still loves but thinking of what happened i told him to go to hell, not knowing what fate might do.if it werent for her i would have still been with the guy and maybe when he died, we would have been on speaking terms. she even tried offering her sympathy after the death of the guy because their fling ended with a week.

Reply to Boogybabe
Posted by: Bella | 2004/09/28

I also had a similar situation, where my "best Friend" kissed my boyfriend in front of me in a public place and then I walked out and went home. He called me the next day and broke it off with me - as if I was going to stay around.

About 7 years later, he is now married to SOMEONE else!!

Forget about both of them. Do you want a friend who could possibly do that to the next boyfriend you have?? If they can do it once, they CAN do it again.

Rather close that chapter and learn from the experience, and also, be careful who you talk to and what you say to who...

Reply to Bella
Posted by: Inc | 2004/09/28

Set yourself free and forgive... you don't have to continue being her friend... but forgive her anyway. Carrying a grudge is quite a heavy burden.

Reply to Inc
Posted by: Wannahelp | 2004/09/28

A good male friend from church and I begain deepening our relationship (+/- 4 yrs ago) and when he broke up, I was devastated, 'cause I was scared to lose him as a friend too. My best best female friend started to act weird when he was around, but it was awkward for her because he started to seek her attention. I knew something was going on, but I was still hurting from the break-up, so she didn't want to hurt me even more by breaking this news. Today they are happily married and so are we. If we would have continued that relationship, it would have been a disaster. They were meant to be and so were my husband and I. They have a baby girl. We are still best of friends, because we communicated and prayed that God would protect our friendship so we could get through it. It was hard, but I still have my friend and couldn't imagine life without her. It sounds like your friend didn't handle this thing correctly, maybe she isn't a real friend then. 'Cause if she was, she would have treated you with love, by telling you the truth. It is not so easy to just write off a "sister-friend". Maybe you can still save the friendship, give it time, give yourself time to heal, but don't spill your pearls before the pigs.

Reply to Wannahelp
Posted by: Jasmine | 2004/09/28

Forgive both and move on.

Reply to Jasmine
Posted by: K | 2004/09/28

I fully agree with Shirl, same thing happened to me!

It takes 2 to tango but, If you need to find a way to forgive anyone it would be him.

Write her off!

Reply to K
Posted by: Shirls | 2004/09/28

You don't forgive sleezy people like that! I have also been burnt by my best friend who wanted my then boyfriend for herself. Fortunately for me he never succumbed to her ploys and today we are happily married for over three years...but she still hasnt got a male or female friend in her life. Don't forgive her, if she can do this to you once she will do it again.

She's too sleezy for a decent friend like you.

Reply to Shirls

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