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Question
Posted by: Lené | 2008/01/15

My double proposal dilema !

I have landed myself in a dilema that I wish to resolve, In the beggining of last year I met a man who was separated from his wife and lives with his 2 children, I love him so much but our relationship leaves me emotionally drained, he is very possessive and questions a lot of things that I do which is very frustrating for me because I have to explain my every move to him and he sometimes checks my phone and phones up people to find out what they are to me, he doesn't like me going out with my friends a lot and wants me to stop contact with all my male friends, I understand his point when it comes to ex boyfriends but not when it comes to my childhood friends because these are people I couldn't even date because they are like family.<br><br>Tthe other issue is that I am known to his children as the friend which I understood because he din't want to confuse the kids thinking I'm the reason they are getting divorced with the mother which I'm not because they were already separated when we met, I get along very well with the children and we are often left alone when he goes out and sometimes on weekends I now feel like he's using me as some kind of a care giver I really don't mind but I feel that he shouldn't make it my responsibility to make sure the children are cared for I know it's difficult for him to take care of his daughters but they need his attention especially since they haven't seen their mother in 2 years I don't know if I'm being selfish but sometimes I just want to be alone, go out with friends or just have no responsibility to take care for anyone as I don't have a child.<br><br> I have voiced my concerns about his over protective behaviour and him leaving me to take care of the children while he's out with with friends but nothing has changed, I moved back to my house about a week ago after he got upset that I went to have drinks with a friend of mine who lives in another continent I've known this guy for 3 years he's always liked me a lot but understood when i told him we couldn't be together, I felt absolutely nothing for him until now.<br><br>my problem now is that my boyfriend wants to get married and I no longer want to get married and it also has to do with me developing feeling for someone who lives far away from me,could I be feeling these things for the other guy because of my frustrations with my boyfriend? I told my boyfriend I couldn't marry him but said it wasn't because of someone else.<br><br>Drama continued when my friend asked me to marry him before he left for the US on wensday last week, i said I would think about it, I accepted his proposal on Monday via e-mail I don't know what's happening to me I suddenly feel so strongly for this other guy that I could relocate right now, i still love my boyfriend but our relationship has been too painful for me in the past couple of months, I don't even regret accepting the other proposal but I'm concerned that my boyfriend will think I had a thing with this guy all along which isn't true, what should I do I know this is really messed up<br><br><br><br>

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Our expert says:
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Sorry, but I was assured that this forum was CLOSED due to technical problems that are making my life a nightmare, and which haven't been fixed in over a month. So it's purely by chance that I checked and discovered your message. Folks PLEASE STOP POSTING questions until this is fixed ! After this message I WILL ANSWER NO OTHERS until the forum is fixed, permanently. <br>You seem to be describing what will become an increasingly unhappy relationship, unless something drastic changes occur. Maybe his bad relationship habits arise from prior bad experiences, but they are, in turn, creating bad experiences for you. <br>It is NEVER acceptable in a relationship for anyone to expect their partner to forsake all other friendships, or to be so paranoid and controlling. You're not being at all selfish, in your entirely reasonable wishes --- he is being selfish and thoughtles in putting you in such a position. Don't get married to someone with such a huge load of emotional baggae and such selfish and unreasonable behaviours. He is not acting in such a way as to deserve your love. <br>If you have genuine loving feelings for this other guy, who you have known for much longer and thuis presumably can feel much more sure of, why not m,ove in that direction ? Your current bf has not, from your description behaved in any way so as to better your own interests, rather than for his own convenience --- why must it matter what he thinks about you pursuing your own happiness ?

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