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Question
Posted by: scorpio | 2008/05/25

my defences

I called my bf over yesterday to break up with him. He had the same thoughts and broke up with me, so you could say the feeling was mutual. I know it was for the best because we were non stop fighting, but I am still sad. I realise that I have a problem though as this has now happened in my past 3 relationships : I dont make an effort, I dont get excited about being with the person, I am basically not that into him. The thing is that I want a relationship, marriage, kids, etc. However, when I am close, I pull out my defence mechanism and chase him away by being cold. I dont know why I am doing this. Please help.

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Our expert says:
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Its very natural to feel sad, even though this may have been the best decision the pair of you could make --- you feel sad at losing the good parts of what, in sum, was not good enough ; you feel sad at losing what you hoped for, even though it wasn't going to happen that way. That said, you are wise to recognize what looks like a recurring pattern of unsatisfying attitudes towards relationships. Consider seeing a therapist / counsellor, preferably opne using Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) methods, to explore and change those attitudes and reactions for the better. The Anxiety/Depression Support Group can recommend some CBT therapists in your area

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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