Posted by: scorpio | 2008/05/25

my defences

I called my bf over yesterday to break up with him. He had the same thoughts and broke up with me, so you could say the feeling was mutual. I know it was for the best because we were non stop fighting, but I am still sad. I realise that I have a problem though as this has now happened in my past 3 relationships : I dont make an effort, I dont get excited about being with the person, I am basically not that into him. The thing is that I want a relationship, marriage, kids, etc. However, when I am close, I pull out my defence mechanism and chase him away by being cold. I dont know why I am doing this. Please help.

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Our expert says:
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Its very natural to feel sad, even though this may have been the best decision the pair of you could make --- you feel sad at losing the good parts of what, in sum, was not good enough ; you feel sad at losing what you hoped for, even though it wasn't going to happen that way. That said, you are wise to recognize what looks like a recurring pattern of unsatisfying attitudes towards relationships. Consider seeing a therapist / counsellor, preferably opne using Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ( CBT ) methods, to explore and change those attitudes and reactions for the better. The Anxiety/Depression Support Group can recommend some CBT therapists in your area

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