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Posted by: Just Mandy | 2008/06/02

My Dear Friend....

I have a "friend" that is very dear to me. We have been through so much, we met at work and hit it off immediately. He is a wonderfull guy and I love him to bits. The problem is that him and his girlfriend of 10mths have been going through some stuff. But now he suspects that she might be pregnant. She skipped her period for about 2mths now, and her excuse to it is that it is normal and that it has happened before??? Being a women myself I know that there are some circumstances where this is possible e.g stress or weight loss. But everytime he asks her if she is pregnant she gets all defensive or she laughs it away.

I try to be as helpfull as possible but I cant say that I can stay copletely objective.... cause it took me a long time to admit it to myself but I have VERY strong feelings for him. So whatever the outcome it will affect me in a big way to. The whole situation is getting to me in a bad way. And It is driving him insane not knowing. Should I but out or what????

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Our expert says:
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This is HIS problem, which he needs to deal with, and not yours. And it sounds as though you have had unrealistic expectations of a relationship with him, and thus wanted her not to be pregnant. Maybe he and she need some relationship counselling to attend to whatever troubles they have, but you clearly cannot be objective and thus copuld not help them in this situation. We don't always WANT to do what we know we need to do, but that need not stop us from doing the right thing

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mandy | 2008/06/03

I send you a e-mail on Yahoo.

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: P | 2008/06/03

pieterpieter18 at yahoo.com

Reply to P
Posted by: Mandy | 2008/06/03

Once you successful let me know.....

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: P | 2008/06/03

Trying to creat a yahoo enail adress to give to you...

Reply to P
Posted by: P | 2008/06/03

That is the big problem, in such a situation your emotions (what you feel like doing) is light years of from what you should do. And tha is why it is easy for an outsider to give advice, the same way you will do if you were not involved in this situation.

Most people (myself included) had that sweatheart and things did not work out, and my word, it is painfull! I know, the first time it happened to me it was easier to dream about her, and only remembering the good stuff, that is the other problem! After a while this person becomes like an angel in our minds.

Once yoy fall in love again, you will be surprised when you look back (fondly) and say: "Hell, I was really in love back then, but it is luckily over. I am not saying you cannot pick up the strings again one day if things go wrong between the, of course it will be easy. But we are trying to get you out and over this, remember! So, no hoping for magic now, vasbyt and believe me, even if it does not feel that way, with time the pain will go away. You might be in the same situation after a few years after another relationship does not work out, then yoy will have to remember how you got over the previous love of your life (with your councillors help!) :-)

Yes I know, everything in you is shouting right now for him, it is natural, but just hang in there

Reply to P
Posted by: Mandy | 2008/06/03

Thank you for the advise.... I know what I should do but that does not mean that I want to. My heart is broken but I need to get over this, and I will.

It sounds like you know what you talking about. You have a lott of experience with heartache???

Reply to Mandy
Posted by: P | 2008/06/03

Me again!

No inhuman expectations from me that tomorrow you must look him in the eye and feel ok, it will take TIME!!

Reply to P
Posted by: P | 2008/06/03

Let's forget about her pregnancy, let's see this as any other relationship where one of the two ended the relationship because they fell out of love/got tired of the other one etc.

The point is that over a year from now you must look back and say, "hell, that was a difficult time in my life, gladly it is now history!"

So, first of all you'll have to go through the mourning faze, and then get to the pont were you accept that it is over, no chance, don't live on hope that one day things will sort themselve out, then you are only lenghtining the heartache and the time it gets to get over this guy. (Trust me, most of us have been through it: " you feel you can never live without the person, when you wake up he is instantly on your mind", you'll get over it, but you have got to move on. Once you have accepted it, you may even become angry at him, also a good sign that you are on the road to recovery. And don't, when you start dating other okes, compare them to him and see how they fall short of what you perceived him to be. on't keep on cuddling all those fond memories for long. Just go out and mix with different blokes, but keep your standards high, don't settle for less than what you are worth, and you better believe that you are worth a lott!

Yes, easy for me to speak, cause I am not in your position, my emotions are not involved. But I have been there, more than once in my life.

It hurts, acknowledge it to yourself and cry it out, get it out of your system, and get positive and give yourself time, and acknowledge to yourself that it is human to feel the way you are feeling, but that the sun will shine again.

There are so many people walking on the planet that we do not know who can turn out our ideal soulmates/lover/friends if we only knew about one of them and gave it a chance to meet the person. And be open minded and focussed on the future, not the past. Use the mistakes of the past to learn and not make the same mistakes.

Sterkte!

Reply to P
Posted by: Just Mandy | 2008/06/03

This is just so COMPLICATED.... I'm in love with one of my best friends for almost over a year now. Should have taken the opportunity when he was single, but I could only admit it to myself a few months ago. Now his gfriend is pregnant and I know his not happy with her, but he will do the right thing and stay with her anyway. I know I need to distant myself from them now.... but how????

Reply to Just Mandy
Posted by: P | 2008/06/03

Hi Mandy

Very difficult because you are emotionally involved. You'll have to tell yourself that they were a couple and sex was part of it and now it happened.

And just like any other relationship-loss you will have to come to the point were you except that he is lost for you and you will have to move on. You were to close to him just to keep on living with the normal contact. Once you have excepted what has happened you will HAVE to start focussing elsewhere, making yourself available (of course not in a cheap way) for other normal relationships of which one will hopefully lead to something important.

Otherwise you are going to be miserable for ever.

Reply to P
Posted by: Just Mandy | 2008/06/03

It's been confirmed yesterday.... she is almost 2 months pregnant!!!!!

Reply to Just Mandy
Posted by: Just Mandy | 2008/06/02

I know your right MK, but this might sound selfish - I cant help but think what such an implication as a baby can do to our friendship. I guess I am hoping that there could be a chance for us in the future but if she is pregnant.... that would mean that there never can be!! If she knew him the way I did she would know what all this is doing to him - but its like its some kind of game to her. And I know he does'nt want this!!!

Reply to Just Mandy
Posted by: MK | 2008/06/02

I once had an unplanned pregnancy and although all the signs and symptoms were there staring me in the face I was in such denial that I was pregnant to be point of being shocked and flabbergasted when the doctor gave me the results of the test. Maybe his girlfriend is going through the same thing? I think you should let them sort it out, and be there for your friend if he needs you. Try to remember that even though you have these feelings for him, you are NOT his girlfriend, she is. The only way whatever happens with them is going to affect you is that if you are actually hoping they break up and you have a chance with him.

Reply to MK
Posted by: Just Mandy | 2008/06/02

I know his gf and she nor him gave me reason to believe it's not his baby.

Reply to Just Mandy
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/06/02

you think its not his baby?

Reply to almost mad

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