Our expert says:
I understand your concerns. a 6-year-old is not a baby, and it sounds as though this one is being trained to be a selfish, dishonest and spoiled brat. And when she moves outisde Mommy's care, she will be bitterly disappointed to discover that others in the world don't give her the same privileges.
Ironical, isn't it, that you have difficulty admitting something is wrong with YOUR child - part ofwhose problem is her difficulty in admitting that there is anything wrong with HER child ?
Its helpful to have the unsolicted confirmation from your other daughter than you are right in your concerns. DO you know how the husband feels about all of this ( he has to be aware of it, maybe fels hopeless too ? ) and it may be worth tactfully approaching him and discussing the issue with him ?
Counselling could help, but of course would only be able to do so if she acknowledged that there was a problem needing solution. You have the problem of lacking what the lawyers would call locus standi - a position giving you an unassailable right to intervene. If there are serious concerns about the children, Child Welfare might be able to help - but they tend to concentrate on gross physical abuse and neglect rather than on these equally important but more subtle forms of abuse and neglect.
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