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Question
Posted by: lulu | 2005/11/29

My brother the idiot

He's going to commit suicide, I know it. The only uncertainty is WHEN.

I'm tired of my brother's emotional games and I don't want to worry about him anymore. )o: I feel guilty for being angry with him all the time. I want to shake him and slap him and show him how much he has to live for, one moment, and the next I want to give him a gun so he can do it then if he so desperately wants to.

We found out recently that he's got a cocaine habit, and I suspect that he's had it for years. This obviously contributes to his state, because he doesn't have any money to feed his dispicable habit anymore. He's not working, yet he always seems to find a drinking buddy to get drunk with. Sis-in-law's suicide kind of pushed him over the brink and he's been messing up everything good in his life eversince... It's been a year, and I have never seen him as bad as it is now.

Doc, how do you help someone who does not think that he has a problem? The old "you can bring the horse to the water..." story.
He's pulling me down into his black hole, and I'm scared he'll succeed...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sadly, these are typical reactions to someone who is self-destructive and manipulative, and who doesn't have the guts to seriously try to improve their situation. The cocaine can be a significant part of his problems, and is an expression of his self-destructiveness --- and may also help to insulte him from good advice.
The sad fact is that it is impossible to help anyone who doesn't believe that they have a problem and who can't be bothered, therefore, to seek and sincerely work with, the right help. Just make sure that you don't get dragged down into the hole that they dug for themselves. There's no point in being supportive if that just enables them to get even more dysfunctional. That's where tough love comes in

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Fluitjie | 2005/11/29

Hi Lulu,

I am in a similar situation about my younger brother. He feeds of me and my elder brother. I stopped now but elder brother keeps paying R5000-00 per month to keep him in this world and with his wife and child. Elder brother promised on my Mum's deathbed to look after younger. And he sticks to the promise and gets angry when I say god will not hold him to it. Younger suffers from passive agressive syndrome and the pchychiatrist said he will end up on the street eventually and advised us to let him fight his own batle and realise he must work and contribute to life. Tough one. I withdrew and have not spoken to him since June. He owes me money and owes elder brother almost 200 000.00

Reply to Fluitjie
Posted by: lulu | 2005/11/29

Ek weet nie of mens hom kan dwing nie, CP, want hy loop weg elke keer as ons probeer. )o:

Ag wat, ek is al deur erger, so ek sal dit ook seker oorleef.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: lulu | 2005/11/29

Thanks, navigator. I told him I'll bring him rope if he tells me where he is and I'll find him a nice high tree too. Felt absolutely horrible after I did that, but I'm just so worn out being supportive and nice and all he does is kick me in the teeth. )o:

Glad to hear your story had a happy ending tho. Maybe in two years I'll be telling my success story too.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/11/29

Jaaaa neeee kyk ek wil hom sommer ook klap!

Kan die man nie sien wat skoonsus se selfmoord aan die familie gedoen het nie ? Kan hy nie die pyn sien nie ?

Mens sal dink dat hy van beter behoort te weet ne ?

Aai ou Lulu raad het ek nie mensie maar sterkte hoor...

Kan mens hom nie laat opneem iewerste nie ?

Liefde MA

Reply to CP Mom
Posted by: Navigator | 2005/11/29

Lulu ilm sorry to hear this but believe u me i've been through that as well. My brother is exactly the same as yours and he's threatened suicide over and over again, sometimes taking overdose pills but he's never succeded. Two years ago i told him he can die if he so wish and im not gonna stand in his way. I then stopped giving him money and made him realise that he can no longer blackmail me. Today he's still alive, working and has a woman and a small baby.
Your brother is just playing games with you - he'll never kill himself.

Reply to Navigator
Posted by: Navigator | 2005/11/29

Lulu ilm sorry to hear this but believe u me i've been through that as well. My brother is exactly the same as yours and he's threatened suicide over and over again, sometimes taking overdose pills but he's never succeded. Two years ago i told him he can die if he so wish and im not gonna stand in his way. I then stopped giving him money and made him realise that he can no longer blackmail me. Today he's still alive, working and has a woman and a small baby.
Your brother is just playing games with you - he'll never kill himself.

Reply to Navigator

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