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Question
Posted by: Sugar | 2004/01/27

My brother

I am concerned about my younger brother. We are four children, three older sisters and my younger brother. He has just completed his matric, which we all thought he would not get. He is not sure what to do with his life and just sits at home all day long. Infact I don’t think he has even left the house since leaving school!
The career options he does decide on are unrealistic and thinking about it is as far as he gets. He does not help around the house, has no friends at all. Its not that he is a mean person, but socially, I think there is a problem. He says the strangest things sometimes and I can see why people in general might think he is strange.

We are all grown up and out of the house (other sisters in another city) so he drives my parents up the wall; they are so frustrated and so is he. Both my parents are retired so having a teenager in the house.... well, they just clash anyhow.
I don't get along with my father; actually none of us do for good reason. He says the ugliest, nastiest things to my brother (ever since he was a kid) but he just seems to shrug it off, but I know it hurts him. I don't think he would ever hurt him physically although sometimes I wonder. I am not even sure if my father would even pay for his studies, or even pay for a flat, even though money is not the issue. I have tried to get him to go for part-time jobs, but he never goes and make up excuses. I just thought that would give him some independence. This really upsets me and my mum, is it because of my fathers behaviour and non-existent parenting. He had three girls and all he wanted was a boy so when my brother finally arrived, that still was not good enough. If my father was out of the equation…….I think things would be better. He has a hold on us all, some way or another. It all seems like a catch 22! My brother was the cutest, sweetest little thing, when I see home videos and pictures. What happened and how can I help things?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Sugar

The best is 2 support your brother because he is obviously going through a difficult time. Perhaps you need to talk to your mom that she can talk to your brother about alternatives that he has. He is perhaps merely to sceared to ask if he can go and study because of the situation with your father.

Your parents will need to give him alternatives and then he will need to stick with one and make the best of it. Otherwise they will need to give him an altumatum because he is after all now a grown up and will need to make descisions for himself.

Good luck,
T

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