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Question
Posted by: College Girl | 2004/02/27

My boyfriend is married

I'm 3rd year Med Student and towards the end of last year, I met this guy and I gave him my number because I was going home (in a different Province) on the day that I met him. For 2 months we talked on the phone and we SMSed each other and we had so much in common. When varsity started at the beginning of the year we met up and went out a couple of times. About a week ago, he told me that he was falling in love with me, then a couple of days later he told me that he was married.
I told him it was over but then he came over to my place and told me he loved me. I feel like such a stupid little girl because I told him I love him too. We've been seeing each other a lot since he told me the truth and this morning when he came over to my place, I broke it off. Not because I didn't want to be with him but because I wanted him all for myself. I feel like if he called and wanted to see me, I would tell him I wanted to see him too. What I'm trying to say doc is, "Although I know I made the right decision, why do I feel so empty?" I think of him every second of every day. Could other people who've been in this situation please reply.
Oh, one more thing. Him and I have not slept together. And to make things worse he's 34 and white and I'm a 20 year old black girl.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear CG,
He lied to you, over quite a long perod of time, and deceived you. And he is married and not free to have a genuine relationship with you. And if he's happy to cheat on his wife, he'll be just as prepared to cheat on you.
You DID make the right decision, to break it off ( well, psychologically, rather than anatomically, anyway )
It feels empty because breaking it off means facing uncomfortable truths, and giving up the hopes you had formed for a great long relationship with him, and facing the fact that that is impossible. You're wise, too, not to have slept with him, which would only have complicated matters further.
At 34, he is old enough to have known better than to have deceived you. This doesn't have to be an angry and bitter parting, but if he genuinely cares for you, he must recognize that it is not in your best interests to get further involved in a relationship with a married man --- however pleasant a married man he might be.
Keep up your good sense, and you'll eventually be a dynamite doctor !

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: College Girl | 2004/03/01

Thanx a lot everyone. He's been calling me and I haven't responded. I think the best thing for me to do right now is to focus on my studies and to put all my energy in that. I feel a lot better than I did a few days ago. I am certainly much stronger and I know that he will not leave his wife, and that's fine. Because I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of breaking up someone's marriage.
Thanx again to everyone who responded :)

Reply to College Girl
Posted by: Flash | 2004/03/01

I wish all young girls/women think like you. yOu are a super girl. I know it hurts right now, especially if you were starting to fall for the creep. The good news is, with time, you will get over him. Cry if you can but dont let him near you. YOu deserve better and I am sure you will find someone who is as clever as you are. YOu are better off without him, just pity his wife.

good luck and be strong, all the good women out there are behind you!!

Reply to Flash
Posted by: Merce | 2004/02/28

If he can cheat on his wife then what makes you think he wont cheat on you. He has lied to you about being married. Sweety he is only using you to take out his stress caused my his family. Be realistic. There's someone out there for you he is not so stop fooling yourself. If you stay with him. I am telling you you are going to get hurt. He wont up and live his wife for you maybe he also has children. Do you think he is willing to give up all of that for you? I dont think so!! I think you did the right thing by living him! You go girl!!!

Reply to Merce
Posted by: Jackie | 2004/02/28

I know it hurts right now. But I do think that you did the right thing under the circumstances. In time some one more suitable will come your way, in the meantime concentrate on your studies and you will have a great future ahead of you!!

Good Luck
Jackie.

Reply to Jackie

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