Posted by: CP MOM | 2009/09/21

My best friend...

Hi Cs, have a lekka weekend?

I have this friend i met at weigh less and we have so much in common and get on really well. From having a weight problem to having a disabled daughter each and and. I introduced her to a male friend of mine and they dated for a year and us 4 went out often and it was really lekker, we clicked. She' s also on ad' s and likes savanna' s as much as I do and eating get the pic hey...

Since April she' s being " funny"  she broke up with this guy coz he is smothering her, made up and then made out again and has stopped seing him, we also don' t see each other often because she' s always changing plans and then I get p' d off. She even jokes when she cancels something by saying " im going to pull a A today, sorry"  (A being her name).

She' s had a hystorectomy and gone from one type of ad to another. I' ve supported her through much. When her daughter died 2 months ago I was there, use to go with her to the home. I believe in my heart that the 18year old totally mentally and physically disabled child' s death was a relief to her although she now has this terrible feeling of neglect and and

She asked me to please go with her to Durban to go and throw (is that the right word?) the ashes just me and her.

I said ok, just you and me no kids or anything (because her two boys are a hand full. The one very moody teenager and the other one a demanding brat) as you know i' ve got enough kids in my house....i then made plans with family and friends to stay there for the time we are down there.

Saturday we had a " date"  again and then half an hour before se sms' s she' s going to the movies with the kids....I' m trying to be supportive but i' m getting gatvol.

We are leaving on thrusday, my mom will come look after Ne at my place, the accomodation is arranged etc now she sms' s me will it be an issue if her sons come with and she' s booked accommodation in Hibberdene...well CS, im not in the mood for this at all.

Then she and her sons must go, honestly.

As much as i want to be there for her and be her friend with what she' s been through - I cannot handle someone who is so indicisive and is always chaingin her mind. She laughs and thinks its funny because she " always does it" ...

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Our expert says:
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I guess people who meet at weigh-less are likely to have one or two things in common ! <br>Sometimes, indeed, the death of a gravely impaired loved one may be a relief, but that doesn't mean we don't grieve, and there may be substantial guilt over finding that one does feel relieved. And whenever a loved one dies, especially one who was impaired, however much one actually did for them, you can always wish you had been able to do more.

From the sound of it you need to have a calm chat with her, saying that you want to be supportive, but are finding it harder to do as she has become so changeable, cancelling various plans at the last minute, and asking her how this can best be sorted out between you. And be frank, that you agreed to accompany her to Durban, and made elaborate plans, on the basis that she would NOT being her kids, and as she has changed this withou disussing it with you, you are not at all sure you can go ahead with the plan. Now that she has chosen to be accompanied by her sons, you might say that she doesn't really need you to be there as well, and hope it'll all work out fine for them. And make it clear that NOBODY finds it cute or funny that she keeps changing agreeed plans at the last minute for apparently trivial reasons. I never see sense in someone excusing bad behaviour by saying 'That's just how I am !" --- that is NOT just how them are --- it is how they choose to behave and they could choose to behave otherwise. We woudn't accept that as an excuse from a serial killer or bank robber, and shouldn't feel we hav to accept it from a friend

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Our users say:
Posted by: Emma | 2009/09/21

CP Mom, why don' t you start a blog? Your posts aren' t about anything specific to this forum and neither are they problems but you seem to have a need to write in everyday or every other day, so why not? You have interesting things to say and with the challenges and successes you have with your duaghter (and love life!) you may reach a wider, more receptive audience and I suspect you will enjoy writing a blog. Think about and perhaps ask the CS for his views when you next write in.

Reply to Emma
Posted by: lady nina | 2009/09/21

hi girl

glad you are doing well

one thing i' ve learned is that there is always a reason why people act the way they do, maybe she has issues in her own life she is battling with and just can' t get around to include anyone and in that way get healing

it sounds like she is in pain and although her actions is not acceptable ... kyk verby dit en probeer om haar hart te hoor ....

being a close friend is not easy but worth it.


Reply to lady nina

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