Our expert says:
I guess people who meet at weigh-less are likely to have one or two things in common ! <br>Sometimes, indeed, the death of a gravely impaired loved one may be a relief, but that doesn't mean we don't grieve, and there may be substantial guilt over finding that one does feel relieved. And whenever a loved one dies, especially one who was impaired, however much one actually did for them, you can always wish you had been able to do more.
From the sound of it you need to have a calm chat with her, saying that you want to be supportive, but are finding it harder to do as she has become so changeable, cancelling various plans at the last minute, and asking her how this can best be sorted out between you. And be frank, that you agreed to accompany her to Durban, and made elaborate plans, on the basis that she would NOT being her kids, and as she has changed this withou disussing it with you, you are not at all sure you can go ahead with the plan. Now that she has chosen to be accompanied by her sons, you might say that she doesn't really need you to be there as well, and hope it'll all work out fine for them. And make it clear that NOBODY finds it cute or funny that she keeps changing agreeed plans at the last minute for apparently trivial reasons. I never see sense in someone excusing bad behaviour by saying 'That's just how I am !" --- that is NOT just how them are --- it is how they choose to behave and they could choose to behave otherwise. We woudn't accept that as an excuse from a serial killer or bank robber, and shouldn't feel we hav to accept it from a friend
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