Posted by: Nk | 2009/03/14

My baby' s mama

Please help Doc. I have a 3 year old daughter that I love so much, i take care of everything that corcens her she is on my medical aid, I pay 4 her school fees, I pay for her child minder and in addition I give her mom money every month to take care of anything else that might come up during the month. The problem is that she makes it difficult for me to give my child the love she deserves. She does not want my child to sleep over because she says she does not want her to get used to the woman that' s in my life right now. When I call her and ask to speak with my daughter she does not want to give her the fone. She goes around telling people that I' m not taking care of my child. I only spend time with my daughter for few hours sometimes she cries when I have to take her back to her mom. This thing pains me because I feel like my child will think that I don' t love her because I dont spend enough time with her or even allow her to sleep over. Please help, what should I do in this situation.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

As you know, the guiding principle hould always be what's best for the child, and to avoid EVER using the child as a weapon in a battle between the "adults". While your ex's concerns are understandable, it is not fair to deprive the child of good contact with her father, just because she might become used to the presence of your current partner. A court might be prepared to decide on fairer terms of access.
Drama makes sense that something significant depends on whether you are married to or about to marry this new woman, in which case the child would need to get to know her, or whether this is a more temporary arrangement she might find confusing.
mawisa, I can't deal with new questions tacked on to earlier questions, but you should go to the maintenance court and ensure that this deadbeat dad at least is required to pay proper maintenance for his child.

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Our users say:
Posted by: NK | 2009/03/18

Thanks guys for the feedback, the question that Drama asked about why i did not make it work between me and my baby' s mama if I love my daughter so much puzzles m because I don' t understand how is that got to do with me loving my daughter. She has got another man in her life and he spends time with my daughter more than i do because my daughter stays with them and I don' t complain, he is probably playing daddy aswel to my daughter. I will have to take the route of going to court.

Reply to NK
Posted by: Gem | 2009/03/16

Drama, loving a child doesn' t mean u have to stay in a relationship u don' t want. Being in an unhappy is actually not good for a child. I suggest going to court, to get access to your child like cs says.

Reply to Gem
Posted by: Drama | 2009/03/16

As a woman I also would not like it if another woman is gonna act mommy to my daugther, pretending to love her when in fact she may not. it' s best not to confuse children with such. If you are married to the new woman in your life, then it is understandable to introduce the child to her, but if not, then are you going to introduce her to another woman if this relationship ends????why couldnt you make it work with the mother if you love your child so much???

the 2nd one' : if you can take care of all your child' s needs, let the looser go...He is a looser and that' s what he who run away from their responsibilites? you would only be doing yourself and your child a favour, by staying away from heartache and confusion that this loser will bring in to your life. I know it' s easier said thatn done, but try. it' s not worth fighting loosing batteles, take him to maitanance court, then let him go

Reply to Drama
Posted by: mawiza | 2009/03/15

I have got a 1 yr child,he has stop taking care of the child.I am paying for the ceche,medical aid,flat to stay and buy all the nessary things for my child,He wants to take my son during good friday for the holiday,he told me that i must stop calling him and he doesnt love me any more,including his family.Please help me

Reply to mawiza

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