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Question
Posted by: Lulu the Optimistic | 2004/10/25

Murdered

I try to look on the bright side of things, most of the time, but don't always succeed.

My sister-in-law was murdered in her house on Friday. The police reckon "murder" was the motive, since only her car was taken. The rings on her fingers were worth R80 000 and they didn't even take these.

My silver lining in this is: She died immediately...no suffering... I feel horrible not being able to find anything else "positive" about this senseless killing. )o:

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Our expert says:
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L, why on earth should you feel you need to find ANYTHING else positive about such a horrible event ? Evil exists, and there are evil people in this world who do evil things. Some acts are so brutal and savage as to be inexcusable, and the modern tendency to expect victims and their loved ones to somehow feel under an obligation to excuse, forgive, and "understand" the perpetrators of such awful acts, is itself not merely an infringement of human rights, but a further act of cruelty.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/25

Perhaps you shouldn't be too concerned about what you're feeling at this moment. They are the feelings you have - they're not exactly controllable. (only your response to your feelings are controllable). Accept whatever you feel as part of who you are. It's okay to be angry, and it's okay to be forgiving.
I am sure you will go through general mourning symptoms, but even if you don't that's fine too!

I can imagine the shock you feel. A death is always sad, but someone being murdered is just so much worse. I really wish you strength during this time.

Reply to Chelle
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/25

Thanks Chelle. I understand what CS says about the modern tendancy to expect victims to understand and forgive, because it's EXACTLY how I'm feeling. Almost like I'm expected to say "I'm sorry you're unstable and that caused you to take a life you didn't create."

Anyway, it's still a huge shock, so maybe it'll wear off and I'll get upset or deny or one of the other "normal" phases of mourning.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/25

This is a really tragic event- Don't feel bad about not being able to find the positives in such a terrible situation. Your horror at what has happened is understandable, and normal even for the most optimistic of people.

I am very sorry for the loss of this family member. My deepest sympathies.

Reply to Chelle

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