Posted by: Anon for this one | 2007/03/30

Mrs/ Miserable

Morning All

26 years old married for 15 months.

I’m not speaking to him since an argument on Wednesday day.

My husband have no respect for me, he has no morals, no values. No thanks you for the next person. Things he doesn’t need people. Has an attitude with everybody. Tell me where to get of in front of his mother.

Listen, I know I deserve better, but once a person is married it’s not that simple just to walk out. I believe in work it out, not work it out. But not to sure where to from here. Been to our pastor for counselling last year. But he doesn’t change.
I pray for wisdom, and not to sure what to do next.

Any input is highly appreciated.

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Our expert says:
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Not speaking is understandable, but arely solves problems. Why not seriously try marriage counselling togther, which could benefit both of you. Very few pastors have received proper training in such counselling, and though they do their best, a professional counsellor would be better

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Our users say:
Posted by: a little thought | 2007/03/30

Nobody deserves to be treated badly in a marraige. Sometimes you think that he or she is so wonderful and when you get married, they change for the worst..knowing that you are bound and you can't run. If you want to save your marraige, the best thing to do, is to sit in quiet place, away from home with nodody around and talk. Ask him why he belittles you in front of his mom and let him kniow that it hurts. Ask him how he would feel if you had done that to him. It's very disrespecful towards you and his mom to carry on like that. What must she think of her son? Does or did his dad speak to the mom that way? He might have grown up seeing his mom being metally abused and doesn't think it's wrong.

You haven't been married that long, so try and sort it out before you blink and it's 10 years down the line and still the same...then you will feel as if you've failed your marraige and will have no confidance to do anything.

If you feel as if you're marraige can't go on, then leave. It's a terrible think to do, but do you want to be with someone who has no respect for you at all or would you like to be happy and keep your self worth?

Reply to a little thought
Posted by: Mandi | 2007/03/30

You have only been married for 15 months - what was he like before you got married?? Surely all these 'changes' didnt just happen when you signed the marriage register.

Reply to Mandi
Posted by: Maria | 2007/03/30

What attracted you to him in the first place? Why did you marry him?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: CP MOM | 2007/03/30

I have an x husband who was like that he once asked his mom to give him R100 as he's broke she was busy giving it but was saying he needs to work better with his money etc so he shouted at her ag just give me the R100 and shut up or stick it up your if it was my mom she'd have said fine i'll stick it and not given it to him. His mom however ran after him no my son I didnt mean it like that etc....that's how they are raised...

Reply to CP MOM
Posted by: appreciated. | 2007/03/30

Thanks CP MOM. Input is appreciated.

Feels like im in the helpless situation.

Only time will tell.

Reply to appreciated.
Posted by: CP MOM | 2007/03/30

There is nothing you can do about such a person you will have to either learn to live with this (it will never change) or you'll have to walk out.

I am currently trying to raize my step-kids not to grow into adults like this - it's all in the upbringing......

It's hard I know....I don't really have an answer but I do understand, but to change this behaviour is nearly impossible.

Reply to CP MOM

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