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Question
Posted by: Child | 2005/12/12

Mothers!

I do not want to offend any mothers out there but I just do not understand them.
I do not spend enough time with my mother.
I go there for dinner once a week or so and she hardly says anything.
My inlaws have invited my parents to their christmas day.
They cannot go because they do not know anyone.
I offend them when I say, rather use your money on youselves instead of buying big christmas presents for me.
There is a huge huff and TEARS (and the tears are a whole other story). When I say I do not know what I want for Christmas just get me something small a surprise.
She wants me and my family to basically live out of her pocket and be dependant on her. Why?
The one thing I want to give my kids is, the confidence and ability to go out into the big world and be themselves. I know it is going to be hard letting go of my babies but I want them to be their own person.

I just want to know, what I can do to please my mother?
I have to be so careful as to what I say because everything upsets her.

If we cannot make it for dinner, she cries.
If I do not phone, she cries.
Never do I get a call from her I might add. I need to make arrangements and if I don't there is upsets.

I am on maternity leave at the moment and it is a nighmare, I am trying to get to know my baby but I never take him ound to her place anymore and I mentioned that I want him to start at his sisters daycare next month. She nearly threw a fit and I was apparantly hurting her feelings and basically saying that she is unfit.

I want her to be the grandmother not the mother!

I want to do what I think is right, I do not want to hurt anybody or make them feel bad.

Are all mothers this demanding?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There's nothing wrong with mothers in general, but this one may need some assistance. Its silly for your folks to refuse the Christmas invitation "because they don't know anyone" therec--- this is the way for them to get to know everyone there.
Sounds rather like she is so hookd on being the Big Mom she was to you when you were children, and perhapsd finds her life now rather empty, so she wants so far as possible to recreate the situatiopn of your dependency on her.
Don't let the emotional blackmail work. And maybe a talk with her about how, as the child already has a mother, her role as a Grandmother is vitally important --- and exploring what each of you think that role might be ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: waterblom | 2005/12/12

It sounds to me as if your mother finds it hard to let you go. There are mothers who suffers from emptynest syndrome and maybe yours do too.
How you solve it, I haven't got a clue but maybe being a bit more assertive with her may help.
Best wishes.

Reply to waterblom
Posted by: lulu | 2005/12/12

My mother isn't and I'm not either...

Sorry you have to deal with this. I don't have any advice tho.

Reply to lulu

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