Posted by: RCT | 2008/07/17

Mother in-law problems

I' m sure there is a few people that will relate to my problem. My husband and i have been together for 9 year now and i love him more that the first day i met him. I will never in my life consider to leave him as i know he is my soul mate.

My only problem is my in-laws. In the beginning of our relationship i gave 110% to them to get them to accept me into his life. I always had a sort of good relationship with my father in-law but not with my sister in-law and mother in-law.

I can with all that i am say that i loved and respect my mother in-law until about 4 years ago. I was pacient with her as i was thinking she just needs to get use to me that is way she was treating me like an outsider. But 4 year ago i lost my temper and we had a big fight. She told me " if your mother did not give you enough attention when you were a child do not come and look for it by me. I am not your mother and will never be"  That broke my hear in 10 peaces.

From that day forward i hated her with all i am. Hate is a strong word to use but i can not help my self. Our relationship from then went on as perviouse only diffrence is i did not go out of my way to get her respect and generaly did not care.

We are now also fighing and it is causing tention between my husband and myself.

How do i get this hate for her out of my system?

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Our expert says:
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Hating her still gives her power over you. See a personal therapist to rid yourself of the hate --- you need to do this for your own sake, not hers.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: ButterflyGal | 2008/07/25


i am currently in the same situation as you my future mother in law told me she is not my mum and wont treat me as her child, i have been very hurt by this, not to mention how rude and cold she is to me on numerous occasions, this has deeply upset me and causes problems with my fiance.But Susan' s advice seems great, i am going to do that and not concentrate on his mum.I have accepted that we will never have a relationship.So i am going to love my bf and i hope you will to RCT.All the best to you.

Reply to ButterflyGal
Posted by: Susan | 2008/07/18

I was in the same situation as you. I just got to the point where i felt hating her was wasting my energy on her. I just thought ag no there is no way she has that kind of power over me.

So I just gave all my love to my husband and made sure he was more than happy and our relationship was great. I would never bring her up in conversation (it is hard but you can work at it). Whenever he does bring her up, I just listen but will not provide an opinion.

So whenever I have to see her, I greet her friendly, and then stay out of her way as far as possible, while showering my husband with love and attention. It irritated her to no end and she eventually started being rude and unfriendly towards me, which my husband eventually started to take notice of.

So he eventually saw her for who she was and that made me feel even better as well as made our connection stronger. All from taking a step back. I did not have to do a thing.

Give her the rope, she will eventually come right or your partner will sort her out. Just be patient. It took me about 10 years and today she is the one that goes out of her way to be nice!!!!

Reply to Susan
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/07/17

Thats awful. Hope your husband doesnt blame you for the fights. She is truely a mean women.

Reply to almost mad

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