Our expert says:
Gosh but we seem to be getting more really long messages in the forum as we approach Christmas !
Interesting, isn't it how there can be really long-lasting family feuds where people remember the feud, and can't remember what on earth it was about !
And even in the more recent events you describe, so much bitter feeling and so many different versions, of rather trivial events ( compared to war and earthquakes ).
In the present situation, you don't mention whether her potentioal sickness / diagnosis is something inconvenient or something awful. I doubt that its needed for you to feel sorry for her, but to support your husband and be sympathetic towards him, and to cut the old bean some slack - its especially hard to change one's habits as one gets older. Don't expect her to apologise or to be particularly nice towards you, but don't waste your own energy on feeling bitter or hurt. If you expect nothing nice from her, anything else, however small, is a great improvement. They have apparently made some small gesture in the card ; mis-spelling your name wasn't deliberate or meant to hurt, so you need not have chosen to feel bad about it - even if you have signed previous communications to them, they probably dont keep the correct spelling in their diary !
Rather than concentrating on anything they might do wrong, concentrate on yourself doing right, being graceful and kindly. You don't have to love them to be civil. Let go i=of the long feud, and concentrate on things hat will make you and your husband happier
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