Posted by: China | 2004/12/07

Mother-in-law from Hell

I have a major problem - I just got enagaged last weekend and my day was almost ruined by my future mum-in-law. Within a span of a week, she turned into a b*tch from hell and she has a major attitude toward me. For a year, she was fine, just up until the engagement. When asked what the problem is, she just keeps quiet. My fiance approached her again this weekend and he told her off and that he doesn't want her at the wedding (which is in 3 months time). We had a fight as a result because he blames me for what her said to her! I'm begining to think he's a mummy's boy... He told me that he's loyalty lies with me - but now that it comes to the crunch - it seems his loyalty lies with his mum. He forget why he told off in the forst place. His mother has no right to treat me the way she whants to, whenever she wants to. I'm not prepared to put up with this woman nor am I willing to marry a mummy's boy. What am to do? Everything is in such a mess. If this her way of placing a spanner in the works, it's working because now I truly believe that she's doing the devil's work... just because she doesn't want to lose her son. What am going to do? Please help!

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like he has an important choice to make. Some mothers, even if intellectually they think they're different, emotionally they can feel such a strong emotional bond to their son, that they don't allow themselves to recognize any other woman as good enough for him. Handy advice from been there, worth re-reading !
It's a key concept that she needs to realize that whatever she does, is not going to be allowed to succeed in breaking up you two --- that her choice isn't --- cuddle sonnyboy forever, or lose him totally ; her choice is actually between -- being adult about this and having a good mature relationship with married sonny and his wife, or lising him completely. The eternal cuddle isn't an option. Success at this depends on whether he has been able to grow up enough to be adult about this himself, and to work with you on giving his mom the message she needs, and avoiding the cuddle-trap

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: China | 2004/12/07

Thank you to all for you advice. I appreciate it.

Reply to China
Posted by: Casey | 2004/12/07

I really feel for you. My hubby has always put his sisters and mom above me. In his eyes they can do no wrong. There were and still are times that their behaviour towards me is so unfair and rude and yet he always finds an excuse to justify their behaviour. If you know the intense dislike I have grown to have for his family all because blood is thicker than water. I really have no advice to give you because every circumstance is different but I do know that if he has indirectly taken her part, I doubt if he will change. He probably does love you but I feel (through my own experience) that he will always take her side.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Been there | 2004/12/07

Hey China,

Listen some people are blessed with fantasic in -laws others not so in the not so lucky dept and its sad as its when two families join ...anyways what i'd like to tell you is try not let it effect you. It used to really and well still does bug me but it gets easier. even though we live in the same city we dont see them that learn to move on and make your own life.
After all you arent trying to pls her its about the 2 of you. She needs to realise this behavour is going to get her no-where.

Myabe wrtie a letter and let her know your feelings and that you arent trying to tkae him away (and all that) and that you'd like the famlies to get along ect drop it in the mail box or mail it and then wait and see...sometimes its easier to write a note than face to face. That way you have said your feelings and made your peace and now its up to her.

all in all tey enjoy your wedding plans and be there fro your fiance as it must also be difficult on him too. I often feel for my husband as his family can by so rude and offish to him too.

God bless and may you hve a blessed wedding... it about the 2 of you - remember that not about others!

Reply to Been there

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